EPISODE 29 - SETTLING SCORES
Panoramic View had been, all things considered, quite a bore.
They’d had a few memorable experiences while wading through the seemingly endless stretch of grasslands; Miguel and Flip’s sudden return from the sea, for starters, the two of them telling a tale of sea monsters and an ocean of forgotten memories. The relief that the group had felt upon seeing the two of them emerge from the waters completely unharmed had been indescribable. They’d all been worried sick about the two, having no idea when they’d disappeared and even less of an idea of where they’d disappeared to.
Cam, the friend they’d made in Midnight City and who had turned out to be the very Impmon that had led them astray into the Corroded Woodlands, had traveled with them for a few days, during the bulk of their journey across the plains. Before long, however, he’d bid them farewell, returning to the city from whence he came and promising to turn over a new leaf. He had a duty, he said; it was his responsibility to guide and protect lost travelers. With a promise to keep an eye out for their Catalyst, he’d set back out toward the peninsula, trying his hardest not to look back over his shoulder at the group, it was obvious.
Then there was the one singular fight they’d had, against a manic Chirinmon that had seemingly appeared from nowhere. Like all the others did these days, it had gone straight for the humans, barely giving a second thought to the partner Digimon, but that also meant it hadn’t been prepared for them to evolve. Castor and Pop in particular had managed to both make it to their ultimate levels, and with two ultimates against one… Well, the fight was over sooner than any of the humans would have expected it to be, Chirinmon dissolving into floating particles as Castor and Pop dissolved into their rookie forms.
The humans escaped relatively unharmed, save for a minor scratch down Damien’s thigh. It was alright. They’d had worse.
But aside from those two single incidents, Panoramic View had been entirely uneventful. Nothing else of note had occurred. It had been nothing but walking and eating and sleeping and walking again.
And, for Ezra, wondering when it would all end.
After Panoramic View - three days after Miguel and Flip’s reunion with the rest of the group, one day after the fight - came Below Zero, a sweeping expanse of snow and ice and rocks and a few haggard trees, running along the north side of File Island. It was cold, and tough to navigate, and just as exciting as Panoramic View had been: namely, not at all.
They skirted just below the colder parts of Below Zero, through the Debug Tundra. They didn’t want to spend any longer than necessary in the freezing plains, but even so, the size of the region made it a long and frigid trek even with traveling as quickly as they could and staying as warm as they could.
They’d gone through several small villages along the tundra, none of them large enough to count as towns - according to Pop, the only real towns or cities in Below Zero were located further north and inhabited entirely by Digimon who were actually able to handle the temperature. At each of the villages, they asked any inhabitants willing to listen about the Catalyst, but nobody had heard anything.
It was to be expected, really. If the Catalyst was a human, as they believed, they certainly wouldn’t be fit to survive in Below Zero, even if they were fully geared for it.
And besides, who would want to live there? Even without going deeper into the region, the entire experience was one that Ezra never wanted to go through again, no matter how much you paid him.
Regardless, they had not gone into Below Zero without preparation. At the first village they’d found, they’d bought several handmade blankets and sweaters from a kind Kumamon, along with other basic supplies such as water and food and bandages. Additionally, Ember’s constant source of warmth made the journey itself much more tolerable - at times he would evolve to champion just to walk alongside some of the colder members of the group to warm them up, and whenever they stopped for a break or to make camp for the night, he would always build huge bonfires, sometimes to the point of exhausting himself from overexertion. Ezra tried his best to make sure he was going easy on himself, but Ember always shrugged him off and said he could handle it. Ezra never quite believed him, but didn’t have the energy to argue.
The attacks didn’t cease, though. More manic Digimon. More angry guilt trips about not knowing what they were up against and how they didn’t stand a chance. More sparks of data floating away into the sky. They always came back, no matter how many the group defeated or how far away they tried to get.
It was hard not to feel like they were being hunted.
They were trying their best, but it wasn’t enough. It never was. Oftentimes the group considered just giving up and heading south towards the Infinity Highlands, skipping Below Zero and the following few regions entirely in favor of not having to deal with the cold anymore.
But they didn’t have that choice. They couldn’t prioritize comfort over doing what they needed to do. They couldn’t give up like that. Not yet.
No matter how much Ezra wanted to.
The fun (misery) did not end with Below Zero, much to everyone’s pleasure (despair).
After over a week of traveling through snow and sleet and bone-chilling subzero temperatures enough to make even the strongest-willed feel like they were going to contract hypothermia and drop dead, they reached the end of the tundra and the start of Server Desert (which no one failed to see the irony of not being located on Server Continent).
The desert was as large and difficult to traverse as Below Zero had been, to the disappointment of everyone. The rapid transition from freezing days and nights to sweltering days and still-freezing nights had not gone over well. While Below Zero had been a pain for its own reasons, they’d at least had some solutions to the problems they’d been facing. Now that they were in the desert, however, they had brand new problems which required brand new solutions - namely, that the daytime was far too hot to travel during.
They had a solution, but whether it was a good one was still up for debate, as it was just that they’d shifted their sleep schedules so they woke up in the afternoon and continued walking long past dark, only stopping to make camp for the night once they saw more than a few stars in the sky. It made the latter part of each day much more tolerable, but the beginning was still… difficult, for lack of a more articulate word.
And this was to say nothing of the sandstorms, of the absence of forageable food and water, of the sheer effort that just walking through the sand took. They weren’t prepared for the desert like they had been for the tundra, and they hadn’t been able to prepare themselves along the way, with villages being even scarcer than before and even the ones they could find being very little help.
There were a surprising amount of oases scattered throughout the desert - but “a surprising amount” was any amount over two or three, so the description didn’t mean much, considering they would often still go a day or two without finding one. Nonetheless, they were always relieved whenever they stumbled across one, and the times when they’d found one in the evening, they had given up on walking and made camp there for the night, valuing the water source over walking another mile or two before dark. They’d stock up on water, look around for any nuts or fruits dropped by the nearby trees, make dinner with what little food they could spare that night, and go to sleep knowing that the next day would be almost the exact same, minus the oasis.
It was an awful cycle, and Ezra was growing tired of it. Each day was the same as the last. Some days were worse than the last. The days when more manic Digimon attacked and they had to fight back and the days when they weren’t careful and someone got injured and the days when they never got a break. Sure, their partners had been getting better at evolving to their own ultimate stages, but was that really worth anything if they’d never all evolved at the same time?
At least they were able to more easily defeat ultimate Digimon now.
…It sounded bad saying it out loud, but…
All of their enemies were out to hurt them. The days of confused or territorial or hungry Digimon were over. They were a walking set of targets, and all of the Digimon who attacked them were trying to kill them. It was self defense.
That’s what Ezra kept trying to tell himself, at least.
Try as he might, he could never quite fully convince himself of it.
Truthfully, Ezra was tired. He was exhausted.
He knew they had to keep going, had to keep looking for the Catalyst and figure out what was going on and save the world, but it was just… it was so much. They’d been in this world for how long now? He’d lost count. They were making progress every day, he knew that, but every day felt just the same.
They didn’t have any more of a clue as to who or what they were up against than they did a month ago. Even just saying “month” made him want to throw up.
But he had to keep going. He woke up each day with every rational thought in his head screaming at him to give up, to roll over and go back to sleep and let the world save its damn self.
He didn’t listen to it. He got up, he ate breakfast, he walked alongside the group for the better part of the next ten hours, and then he went to sleep. Every day.
When was it going to end?
And there was something else tearing at his heart, something else he couldn’t - wouldn’t let himself - put to words or even thoughts. It kept him up at night, but during the day, when it hurt the most, he pushed it back into the recesses of his mind where it couldn’t gnaw at him for the time being. It always came back, of course, because doing nothing to fix it allowed it to fester and grow until he felt it would eat him alive.
But there wasn’t anything he could do to fix it. He just had to deal with it - deal with the consequences of his feelings. Deal with the consequences of being himself.
He ignored it the best he could, but he didn’t know how much more he could take. He didn’t know how much more he could take of any of what was going on.
It was going to kill him. He knew this. There was nothing he could do about it.
On the eighth day in Server Desert, Ezra woke up with a new feeling in his stomach.
He didn’t know what it was. It felt kind of similar to the ever-burning fire of anxiety and exhaustion that never went away, but… that wasn’t quite it. It was cold, almost, creeping up his veins and arteries and freezing them solid. He didn’t think it was a different kind of anxiety, or any sort of worry or fear. It didn’t feel the same - not exactly.
And though it was cold, and chilled his heart and stomach and throat, it did nothing to help resist the wave of heat that hit him as soon as he sat up.
The morning started out much like any other: wake up with the sun high in the sky, roll around atop the blankets they had laid out to sleep on so they weren’t laying on top of sand, find that it was still somehow covered in sand, and sit up. It had become routine at this point. Ezra hated that it had.
He signed inwardly, rubbing his eyes and cracking them open slowly, as if he were microdosing sunlight. It was way too bright. The sun was at its peak - maybe a bit further. It would be hours until it began to cool down. He wasn’t looking forward to it. He wasn’t looking forward to anything, really.
He fumbled around to find his water bottle, struggling with his eyes still half-closed, and took a very long swig. One of the only good things about the morning was that instant where the ice-cold water hit his tongue and quenched his night-long thirst. They’d bought special bottles from a Sunarizamon a few days ago, made specifically to be able to keep water cold for days even without ice. It was a small blessing, barely nothing in the grand scheme of things, but they had to take what they could get (which wasn’t much) - and it was honestly really refreshing.
Ezra shook his head and set the bottle down, finally opening his eyes fully despite every inch of his body telling him to just shut them. Some distance away, laying practically half off and half on the edge of the blanket, Ember sat up, blinking his own sleep-weary eyes. He caught Ezra’s gaze and smiled, and Ezra lifted a hand in response.
“Good morning,” Moxie mumbled, stretching her arms out as she, too, rose from her slumber. Everyone else was just about waking up, too; Damien and Bumble, who had been on the watch shift, were the only ones fully awake, though Bumble looked as if he wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep.
“Who’s ready for another day of fun,” Damien said flatly, rising to his feet. He stuck his phone in his pocket - no doubt he’d been scrolling through it to keep himself entertained - and turned to face the group. “We should reach the edge of the desert in a few days. We’ve come a long way. We’ll be out of here soon enough.”
He said the last sentence gentler than Ezra would have expected him to, but he wasn’t going to complain about it. Damien flicked his sunglasses down over his eyes and Ezra looked down at the patch of the blanket right in front of him.
“I’ve had enough of this desert,” Ryan said, echoing every single one of Ezra’s thoughts. “I am never going to set foot in one ever again.”
“I don’t know, I think Below Zero was worse,” Azure mused, running a hand through their hair. Ryan looked over at them with a half-lidded stare, but they didn’t notice him, even as he grumbled something about growing up in Texas and throw them in an active volcano.
“I mean,” Pop said, standing just beside Moxie, “it seems like today hasn’t been quite as bad as the past few days. Maybe I’m just imagining things, but… we really are almost there.” Moxie smiled gently and placed a hand on her head.
Gingerly, Ezra let his shoulders relax, releasing some of the tension that had been built up in them since he went to sleep the previous night. He grabbed his backpack from its position near where his head had been resting and ruffled through it, pulling out the container of rolly noodles that sat near the bottom. They were some sort of pasta that they’d bought from - of all things - a noodle cart near one of the oases they’d stopped to set up camp by a few days ago. The Ankylomon they’d bought them from had been more than happy to sell them practically its entire stock - very fortunate, as they’d started to run low on food.
Now, Ezra popped the lid off the container and gathered a bundle of noodles onto the fork inside, taking a big bite. He’d never been fond of pasta for breakfast, but it beat the sandy digitakes that seemed to be the only thing that grew outside of the oases.
The group ate their meals in relative silence save for the occasional chatty sentence or two. Ember shared Ezra’s noodles. The little lion cub had been sleeping far away from everyone else, not wanting to warm them up even more with his tail flame, the only fire on his body he was unable to extinguish. His fiery nature didn’t make him impervious to the heat, but he was at least resistant to his own flames.
“You okay?” Ember asked, peering up at Ezra, who blinked a few times before he realized he was being spoken to.
“Yeah,” he said lamely, and Ember’s brows furrowed.
“Are you sure? You seem kinda off.”
Ezra blinked again. “I’m fine. Just tired.” It wasn’t entirely a lie.
He didn’t want to talk about it right now, or ever really. The ten billion things keeping him awake at night and flooding his mind all throughout the day were just too much to talk to anyone about. How would he even put them into words, especially if he didn’t even know what most of them were? All he knew was the dread and exhaustion that clogged his head and the ice-cold vice on his heart that still wouldn’t go away. It didn’t go away even when they packed up and started walking, steeling themselves for the long day they had ahead. It didn’t go away even when Ember, walking beside Ezra, tugged on his pant leg and stared up at him. If anything, it worsened.
“What,” Ezra said, as gently as he could.
“I know something’s up,” his partner said, quietly enough that nobody else around them could hear. Anna and Bunny, walking a few feet ahead of them, didn’t even turn around to look at them like they usually did when one of them spoke. “I just want to make sure you’re okay. Do you want to talk about it?”
Ezra opened his mouth, ready to shut him down, tell him that everything was fine and he was feeling great and there was nothing to talk about, but he caught Alex’s eye from ahead. The taller boy was looking at him with a half-curious, half-concerned expression on his face, his body twisted just slightly so he could get a better look at him from over his shoulder.
Ezra felt his cheeks go red and snapped his jaw shut, nodding at Ember instead. They slowed their pace to fall behind the group, to the very back where no one could overhear. Ember wrung his paws out and heaved a deep sigh, then looked up at Ezra, wearing an expression very similar to the one Alex had had not even thirty seconds ago.
It honestly just worsened the freezing sensation in his chest.
“What’s up?” Ember said, snapping Ezra back to reality, and he took a few seconds to think of a reply.
“…I don’t really know,” he said, which wasn’t exactly a lie. “I just… woke up feeling weird.” He looked down at his feet. “I’m tired. Exhausted. All other sorts of words for that. And I’m really really hot.”
“Is that it?”
Ezra shrugged. “I guess. I don’t know. I just want to sleep for a hundred years.”
“Yeah,” Ember said, nodding sagely. “I get that. I want to sleep for a hundred years too. Maybe even a thousand.”
Ezra couldn’t even manage a smile in response. That wasn’t exactly it, was it? It wasn’t really that he just wanted to… not exist, even if only temporarily. He’d had enough of those feelings over the past few years to serve him a lifetime.
But he didn’t know how much longer he could keep going like this.
Ember looked up at Ezra then, his tail twitching slightly. “And… how are you feeling emotionally?”
Ezra paused, confused by the question, and met his partner’s eyes. Emotionally? Didn’t he just answer that?
…Mm. Not exactly, he supposed.
But… how was he even supposed to talk about it? Even with Ember?
“I don’t know,” he said again, for what he felt like was the twelfth time. He really didn’t know. “It’s… I don’t really want to talk about it. Not when everything’s so up in the air.”
“You have to do something about it eventually,” Ember said quietly.
He knew what Ezra was talking about. Of course he did. They’d talked about it before, late at night, away from the others. They didn’t want to risk being overheard. But talking about it never helped. It just made things seem more hopeless.
And the one thing Ember always said to him was that, if he let it persist without doing anything about it, it would only get worse.
Ezra closed his eyes. “I know.”
“So what’s next?”
The group had been traveling for around an hour at this point. Ember had dropped the subject and left Ezra to his own devices, and the two of them had caught up to the rest of the group. Currently they were walking just behind Alex and Castor, with Anna and Bunny similarly close behind them.
The sun had finally begun its descent, though it still hung quite high in the sky - higher than any of them wanted it to. Over the past week or so they’d been craving evening more than daytime, forfeiting light in exchange for overall comfort. Even at night, though, the desert was never truly dark. Darker, yes, but it was easy enough to see where they were heading, and that was why they had even come up with the idea of traveling later in the day.
It didn’t help entirely - the afternoon was still scorching, and nights were as cold as they had been in Below Zero - but it was better than nothing.
That was all they could hope for these days.
Even so, it took the group a few seconds to bring their attention towards Azure, the one who’d asked the question. They were looking mostly at Moxie and Pop, though their eyes drifted toward Damien for a split second when he turned to them.
“What do you mean?” Moxie asked.
Azure shrugged and gestured ineffectually around them - around the entire group. “After we get out of the desert. What’s next?”
Moxie blinked, then shrugged her unoccupied shoulder. “Native Forest is next. It’s pretty much right at the edge of the desert. It’s the forest surrounding File City.”
“You’ve been so excited to finally get there,” Harmony said, and Ezra noticed Moxie flinch almost imperceptibly, but she smiled anyway. “It must feel good to finally be so close.”
“It does,” Pop said, nodding. “It’s been too long.”
She and Moxie had said, not that long ago (though three weeks was sort of long ago), that they hadn’t gone to File City first because there were other places to see. That they didn’t want to go there first simply because they wanted to. They said the exact same thing every time someone asked. It made sense, sort of.
But Ezra felt like there was more to it than that - and he also couldn’t resist a twinge of irritation that their round-continent journey was simply because they didn’t want to visit one specific city.
What if the Catalyst was there? What if all of this had been for nothing? What if they hadn’t needed to go to the Corroded Woodlands and Factorial Town and Midnight Isle and Below Zero and Server Desert? What if it had all been a waste of time?
“And what if the Catalyst isn’t in File City?”
Ezra blinked and looked up, seeing Miguel frowning, staring at Moxie. It had been him who’d asked; down at his side, Flip looked back over his shoulder for a moment at the ones behind him, then resumed his attention forward.
Ezra himself looked to Moxie as she faltered in her stride for a moment.
She bit her lip, then affected a smile, tilting her head slightly. “Then… I guess we keep going. Around to all the areas we didn’t go before. We skipped out on -”
“Please no.”
Ezra barely even registered that he’d spoken until he felt his breath catch in his throat on the second word. Moxie stopped solidly in her tracks, and then Ezra realized that he had as well, legs tightly locked together as if to prevent anyone from pushing him to keep moving.
He couldn’t keep moving. He couldn’t let that happen.
Moxie frowned, brows pinched together, and then smiled gently again. “It’s alright. It’s not a big deal. Maybe the Catalyst is traveling around the island too and that’s why we haven’t…”
Ezra wasn’t even listening to her. Her words faded into background noise, a static buzzing in his ears and head and chest. They meshed with his own words, creating a constant stream of words that he couldn’t recognize or pick apart. He was rambling at this point. He knew it, but he couldn’t stop it. It was too much.
“I can’t, we can’t do that, I can’t take any more. I’m so tired. There’s too much, we can’t do it all over again. I can’t do it again. I’m tired, I’m so tired, we’re too tired - haven’t we done enough already? We can’t make another trip around, we can’t, that would kill me -”
And then Alex was there, staring deep into his eyes, his hands hovering just inches away from Ezra’s arms. “Hey,” he said, his voice an ever-soothing presence in the front and back of Ezra’s mind. “It’s okay. I’m here. You’re okay.” Ezra felt something lean against his legs - Ember, no doubt - but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Alex.
Alex, who’d always been there for him, who’d always comforted him when he’d needed it most - who’d made it this far without any sort of complaint, who was just as ready as the rest of the group to keep going if they needed to, if they needed to go around the continent again and again just to find the Catalyst and save the world, and had always been there for everyone no matter what it was or how heavy it weighed on them - and here was Ezra, having a panic attack over the possibility of having to walk for a couple more days.
God, he was pathetic.
But he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t bring his heart rate back down to normal or still his breathing, he couldn’t keep the last few words from bubbling out of his mouth, his hands gripping at his sleeves and entire body shaking and trembling. He was spiraling and he knew it but he couldn’t stop. The whole world felt like it was falling apart piece by piece around him. All he could focus on were Alex and Ember, sitting beside him - when did he sit down?
Ezra blinked, his heart still hammering against his chest, but at least he wasn’t talking anymore. He looked up, shielding his eyes with a hand as he turned his face to the sky, but he didn’t need to. They were in the shade of a cactus - how far had they walked? There hadn’t been any cacti around when all of… this had started. How much time had passed? The sun didn’t look too much further down in the sky, but -
He caught sight of the rest of the group sitting down some distance away, some of them near other cacti. Anna was staring at him with Bunny curled up in her lap, her eyes piercing deep into Ezra’s, but when they met she looked away.
Ezra shoved himself to his feet, still shaking and still breathing erratically. How much had he slowed them down? How long had it been? They were losing daylight - they had to get going. He felt that familiar sensation of guilt creeping up his throat and he shook his head out, stumbling on his feet.
“I’m fine,” he said, his voice coming out hoarser than he’d expected. “I’m okay now. Let’s go.”
“No you’re not,” Alex said, looking up at him from where he still sat, and Ezra tore his gaze away.
Ezra stood for a few more moments, ignoring both Alex and Ember, until finally he breathed out slowly and sat back down. Ember leaned up against him again, placing a paw on his leg, and Ezra fixed his eyes on the sand directly in front of him.
They sat in silence for a while longer. Ezra could hear the rest of the group talking quietly, and his entire body kept freezing solid whenever he thought he heard his name. They had to be talking about him. Of course they were.
Now that it was over, he felt so stupid about it. He’d felt stupid in the moment, of course, but it was so much worse now, because now he was actually able to focus on how stupid it was. He still wholeheartedly believed in everything he’d been saying, about how they (he) couldn’t handle doing it all over again, how they’d done enough already, how it would kill him. He knew these things were true.
But he didn’t have to react like that.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Ember said quietly, looking up at him.
Ezra took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He didn’t really. He knew he would just start freaking out again and he’d look even stupider and nothing would change. He’d just delay them even more.
But he couldn’t keep it inside. He knew this.
“I don’t want to do it again,” he said, his own voice weak and quiet. “Do these past few weeks all over again. I don’t think I can. It’s been - it’s been hell. We’ve nearly died and we’re not any closer to figuring things out. I can’t do this all over again. I’m so tired.” He looked down at his feet, running his hands through the sand on either side of them. “And I feel so fucking guilty about that, because I don’t have any reason to be tired. I haven’t even done anything. You guys - the Digimon - you’re the ones who’ve been doing everything.”
“It’s okay to be tired,” Ember said, and Alex nodded. “You’ve traveled just as far as us. You’ve been put in danger just as much as us. Maybe more. You’ve been through things that almost no other human has.”
But all the others in the group, they’d been through it. All of them - even Anna. God, why the fuck was he acting like this in front of Anna? How had it not hit him until now? He couldn’t look like this, he had to be strong for her, he had to show her that everything was completely okay and under control.
If he couldn’t keep himself in check even for Anna, then -
“But you’re fine,” he said instead, looking at Alex. “You - you’re perfectly fine.” Right? “I’ve - I’ve always tried to do my best and keep going even when I didn’t want to, but it’s just - everything is - it’s falling apart around me and I don’t know how to put it back together.” That was how it had felt, hadn’t it, when all this had started twenty minutes ago. Like the world was breaking apart. “Everyone else is doing fine. I need to be fine too.”
“You don’t need to be anything,” Alex said, his shoulders falling. “You can’t be okay all the time. I’m certainly not. I tried to be and it nearly got me killed. You… it’s okay to feel like this. You know that, right?”
He didn’t feel like he did. He knew that he was allowed to, of course, and that it was possible for him to - obviously - but… he shouldn’t. He should be okay. He needed to keep going, even though he wanted nothing more than to go home and never come back to this world ever again for any reason.
“Do you think you can keep going for a few more days at least?” Ember asked, voice low. “Just till we get out of the desert? That’s not so bad. The weather will be easier.”
“That’s not what the issue is,” Ezra mumbled, and Ember’s face fell. “I just… if the Catalyst isn’t in File City and we have to go all the way around again… I can’t do that.”
“That’s a bridge we can cross later,” Alex said, reaching a hand over to place gently and hesitantly on Ezra’s shoulder. He let him. “For now we just need to get out of the desert. It’ll be okay.”
“Yeah,” Ezra said. He shrugged his opposite shoulder and let his gaze fall to his lap again. “Yeah. I know.”
For a second it looked like Alex was going to say something else, and then for another second it looked like he was going to move closer, but neither happened. He pulled his hand back and pushed himself up to his feet. “Take your time. We’ll wait for -”
“Please stay,” Ezra said, reaching up to grab Alex’s arm before he even realized what he was saying or doing. He quickly retracted his hand and closed his eyes, but he heard and felt Alex slowly sit down next to him again. He breathed out quietly.
It was so much worse with Alex sitting next to him, but he couldn’t bear to be away from him. He felt like he was caught between two extremes: isolating himself and making the problem worse, or staying close to him and making the problem worse.
It was just more thing that would eventually kill him. The only difference was that he’d been dealing with this for much, much longer.
It didn’t make it any easier.
They got to walking again soon enough. Despite Ezra’s guilt at having slowed them down, nobody seemed upset by it, not even Damien. The way that everyone kept looking at him when they thought he didn’t notice didn’t help things much, but he figured it was deserved. A few of the group offered sympathetic words to him, with even Moxie apologizing for insisting it wasn’t a big deal, but he waved all of them off. He didn’t really want to dwell on it any longer. He’d told Moxie specifically that it wasn’t her fault and that it was on him. She hadn’t seemed convinced, but she’d dropped the subject, thankfully.
He, Ember, Alex, and Castor were keeping to themselves a bit away from the rest of the group - not quite at the end, but further back than they usually were. Everyone gave them their space. Anna and Bunny were closest to them, walking a short distance ahead of them, and Anna kept turning to look around at Ezra. He’d said - however hesitantly - that they were welcome to walk with him if they wanted, but they’d politely declined. Ezra didn’t really know what to say to them. Or anyone, really, but it was so much different with her. That was his sister, the one person he’d always needed to protect no matter what. If he couldn’t do that, what good was he?
Things were going as well as they could. They stopped to have a snack around evening time (the equivalent to midday for them now), but everyone mostly kept to themselves save for the exchanging of food and water. They’d been coming across more cacti and (albeit dead) bushes as they’d walked, finally something to break up the endless expanse of sand and stone. They’d even found a few trees, though they were devoid of leaves and only counted as trees for the fact they reached high above their heads. Pop and Moxie reassured the group that it was a sign they were reaching the edge of the desert, which helped a little bit, but not by much. It was something, at least.
Ezra hadn’t said a word to anyone since they started moving again after their evening break, not even Ember. His partner was sticking close to him, never straying too far away. Sometimes he’d look up, and Ezra would force a smile that he’d return in kind, but they didn’t say anything to each other. It was better that way. Ezra had too much on his mind.
He still felt that sinking guilt in his stomach. It hadn’t gotten any better - if anything, it had just been exacerbated by the way everyone had been treating him. Sympathy. Pity. Moxie’s expression when she’d spoken to him hadn’t helped things one bit. He knew that even if nobody was saying so out loud or letting it show on their faces, they were all frustrated that they’d been held up. He still didn’t know how long it had been. An hour? Two? More?
He couldn’t stop thinking about it. He supposed that at least it took his mind off of walking, and of how tired he was, and how much he just wanted to give up. But he couldn’t. Nobody else had given up yet.
When Harmony had brought up the idea of just giving up and letting the world save itself, so long ago - when she’d brought it up because of what he’d said, about wondering how they were supposed to do any of this at all - she’d asked if they really had to do it. Did they really have to do any of this? He’d said yes. It had seemed so simple to him back then. They had to at least try. He hadn’t entirely disagreed with Harmony’s train of thought - even back then, he’d felt that inkling of resignation, the desire to give up - but…
Well, it was exactly what he and everyone else had said: they couldn’t just give up. They still had to try. They had some sort of obligation to keep going, even if they would rather do anything else, even if they wanted to give up and let the world save itself, because they didn’t have the luxury of doing that. If they didn’t try, they would automatically fail, and if they failed, then…
But now, with more than a month between there and here, he understood where she had been coming from.
He still couldn’t give up. None of them could. But he understood the desire. The aching exhaustion that crawled in from every possible angle and took over both his body and mind. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep going. He knew he had to, and he knew he would, because there wasn’t anything else he could do, but he still wondered how long it would be until it killed him.
And, creeping in from the hidden corners of his mind, was the worst of it all. He couldn’t allow himself to focus on it. There wasn’t anything he could do about it. It just made him feel nauseous. All he could do was ignore it. It would go away eventually. It hadn’t gone away at all over the past three years of his life - in fact, it had just grown and grown until he felt it would eat him away from the inside - but he knew - he hoped - it would eventually.
Ezra looked up and saw Alex staring at him, and the sickening feeling in his stomach worsened.
They stopped to make camp later that night, when the moon was high and stars had already begun to speckle the sky. The sun had set and plunged the world into near darkness hours ago, but they could still see ahead of them, as there was nothing around them to block out the moonlight. Regardless, this was when they usually stopped for the night. It had been a long day - longer than it should have been.
They settled down between two large outcroppings of rock, creating a small divot that was just large and deep enough to fit the whole group and protect them from the wind and weather. The temperature changed quickly at night; only a few hours ago they had been slogging through the sun’s heat, and now they shivered as they took their sweaters and jackets from their bags to warm themselves up.
Harmony, Ren, Miguel, and Flip went off to go collect firewood while everyone else worked to set up camp. Everyone else except for Ezra, that is. He’d offered to help, asking if there was anything he could do, but everyone had waved him off and told him that they were fine and he should just take the time to rest. He tried not to let it bother him too much. He understood where they were coming from.
Currently he was sitting with Ember up against one of the rock faces. He was dreading having to sleep. Despite how tired he was and how much he wanted to lie down and never wake up again, he knew that he’d just lay awake for hours thinking about everything tugging at his mind and weighing him down, just as he always did. It didn’t sound pleasant.
He heard footsteps and looked up to see Alex approaching him. He blinked, and Alex sat down in front of him.
“Hey,” he said, and Ezra nodded slowly in greeting. Alex’s brow creased softly, and he looked over his shoulder at the rest of the group for a split second. “How are you doing?”
“Where’s Castor?” Ezra asked, which wasn’t an answer, and he knew it. He didn’t want to deflect - it had just come out of his mouth automatically.
Alex’s shoulders slumped, but he picked them up quickly enough. “He’s resting. But that’s not what this is about. How’re you doing?”
“…I’ve been better,” Ezra mumbled. He knew there wasn’t any way around it. At his side, Ember shuffled slightly, but he didn’t look down at him. “Doing the best I can right now. It’s nothing to worry about.”
Alex smiled. “If you think I’m not going to worry about you, you’re insane.”
Well, that certainly helped things a lot. Definitely didn’t make Ezra feel worse about literally everything. “I’m fine,” he said, looking down at the sand between his legs.
“Like hell you are.” Alex paused, but Ezra didn’t look at him. “Okay. Well. What can I do to help you feel better?”
There were quite a few things he could do, but Ezra couldn’t tell him that. He couldn’t tell him what was really flooding his mind and overtaking his thoughts, keeping him awake every night for the past three years. Three years. Had it really been that long? It felt like yesterday, but at the same time, it was such a distant memory that Ezra couldn’t even remember all of it. He’d blocked most of it out, subconsciously, in an attempt to protect himself from the truth of the matter, but some of it was still there, remnants of a night so far away he struggled to recall any of the finer details.
It had only been three years, and yet it felt like so much longer - because it had been longer. He’d just only realized it three years ago.
“I don’t know,” Ezra said. He still couldn’t bear to look up. It was just going to hurt him. “There’s… nothing you can do. I just… have to deal with this on my own.”
“Ezra. Look at me.”
Ezra squeezed his eyes shut and sighed, but lifted his head to look at Alex. He was leaning closer to him, one hand planted in the sand to help keep his balance as his eyes flickered over Ezra’s face. Ezra had to resist every urge and instinct telling him to move back and close his eyes again. It hurt to meet his gaze, but he couldn’t look away.
This really would be the death of him.
“Whatever you want,” Alex said, “whatever you need, I will help you with. Always. Just like I always have. That’s why I’m here. We’re… we’re friends. That’s what we do for each other.”
Yeah. Friends. “Thanks,” Ezra said quietly, looking back down at the ground once more.
He sensed and saw, out of the corner of his eye, Alex sit back, deflated. He wasn’t going to give up yet, Ezra knew, but -
Both of their digivices, tucked into their pockets, began to chime with the beeping of an incoming call. Frowning, Ezra pulled his digivice out, only to see he was receiving a group call from Harmony’s digivice.
He clicked the join button, Alex and Ember scooting closer to him so they could hear.
The first thing they noticed was the sheer amount of background noise, loud and chaotic. It was hard to tell if Harmony was talking to them over it at first, as they thought they heard her voice, but it sounded distant, as if she were far away - but then she spoke more clearly, and they could hear every syllable.
“Thank god,” she said, her voice edged with panic. She sounded out of breath. “We got attacked. Manic Digimon - there’s dozens of champions and I think an ultimate too but I can’t tell for certain - we can’t hold them off. We need backup. All the backup.” She paused, audibly swallowing, and then let a shaky breath out. “Please. I’m hurt.”
“Oh shit,” Ezra said, nearly knocking Alex over as he stood up, and he and Ember were quick to follow. “We’re coming,” he said into his digivice.
He turned to where the rest of the group sat - a few of them had their own digivices out as well, and were exchanging frightened looks with each other. Harmony said something more, but Ezra couldn’t make the words out over the cacophony in the background and his own pounding head.
Goddamnit. Couldn’t they have one day where something didn’t happen? One day where they didn’t get ambushed? One day where nobody got hurt?
Within seconds, the group was readying themselves to head out. The Digimon that could carry passengers evolved to do so, Ezra seated in front of Anna and Bunny on Ember’s back. He tried to ignore the tidal waves roaring around in his stomach as they took off over the rolling hills of sand toward their friends.
One day. Just one day. But they couldn’t even have that.
It was easy enough to find the battle - huge clouds of sand rose to block their view of the sky as they crested one of the taller dunes in their path, kicked up by the battling Digimon within. Two lone figures stood off to the side, one of them seemingly clutching their midriff - no doubt that was Harmony and Miguel. The group picked up their pace and altered course accordingly. Ezra tightened his grip in Ember’s mane.
When they reached the scene, the humans clambered off of the Digimon to head toward Harmony and Miguel, and the few partner Digimon not in their champion forms quickly evolved and rushed into battle.
“
Just great.
“The big one is in there,” Harmony said, removing one of her arms from around her stomach to point at the mini sandstorm. She winced and grit her teeth, instantly wrapping it back around again. “The smaller ones are Goatmon. There’s so many of them. Ren and Flip - they can’t fight them all off. I don’t even know if -”
“Sit down,” Ryan said, gently pushing down on Harmony’s shoulders to get her to follow his instructions. He pulled his backpack off his shoulders and dug inside to pull out one of his medkits, and Harmony closed her eyes. A thin trickle of blood dripped down one of her arms.
Ezra averted his gaze.
He chose instead to focus on the fight. The partner Digimon were doing their best to make their way toward the sandstorm in the center of the battle, but the onslaught of Goatmon were making it difficult. There were simply too many of them. If they didn’t evolve to ultimate, especially considering that there was apparently another Digimon who was an ultimate…
Ezra didn’t want to think about that, even though he really should.
For a mere moment, through the cloud of sand, Ezra swore he caught sight of a tall bipedal Digimon, but then it was obscured once more. He grit his teeth and scanned the clearing for Ember. Castor, Dare, and Ko were standing their ground between the Goatmon and the humans, while Pop and Bumble bombarded them with aerial attacks. Ember and Bunny snuck in and out of the front lines, delivering harsh blows and retreating before the Goatmon could get them back.
They were more of an obstacle than anything, but there was still the possibility of one or more of them making a break for the humans to attack them - and Ezra knew that the Digimon knew it as well. They couldn’t take their eyes off them lest they make that move.
“Ren and Flip are in the sandstorm,” Miguel said, and Ezra managed to tear his eyes away from the fight to look at him. Miguel was pointing at the center of the battle, where - if Ezra squinted - he could see, for brief moments, blue flashes muted by the obstruction - Ren’s attacks. “They haven’t evolved to ultimate. I don’t know if they…” He trailed off, wringing his hands together.
The Goatmon were obviously wearing the partners down. Even if they weren’t individually very powerful, the sheer number of them was too much to handle. For every hit one of the Digimon landed on a Goatmon, three more would react in kind. Some of the partners seemed unsure of what to do, whether to keep pushing against the Goatmon or just ignore them. Neither seemed like good options. There weren’t a lot of good options right now, really.
A streak of orange darted past Ezra’s version, and without thinking, he hurled himself toward his partner, barely feeling his feet hit the sand. “Ember!” he shouted, and the lion skidded to a stop, wheeling around to face Ezra, breathing heavily. “Take me to the middle!”
“Are you crazy?” Ember said, ducking his head as Ezra reached his side. “That’s where the big one is!”
“I know! We need to fight it!” With this many manic Digimon clearly not in control of themselves, and one higher level Digimon in the center of it all… it was a strikingly similar situation to the Matadormon and Dobermon incident. If the ultimate level was controlling the Goatmon, then maybe they could get it to call the Goatmon off.
Ember snapped his jaw shut, still looking at Ezra as if he was insane, but he sighed and shook his head out. “Let’s go,” he said. Ezra climbed up onto his back and he took off, swerving in between the Goatmon as he went.
They reached the sandstorm before Ezra had even come up with a plan of action. What, they’d get to the Digimon and… hope they could defeat it? Hope that Ember or someone else could evolve to ultimate? They didn’t even know who this Digimon was. What if they couldn’t fight it? What if it was too strong for them?
What if it was -?
“
A plume of black smoke rose from in front of Ezra, mingling with the sand and sending it swirling around. He raised an arm to block his face, squinting to try to catch sight of the Digimon that had cast it. That wasn’t one of Ren or Flip’s attacks, so it had to be…
Ember dove through the cloud of sand and ash and immediately stopped short. Ezra was practically thrown off his back over his head from the suddenness of it, but he held tight - though not for long, as he quickly dismounted to allow Ember to rush at the Digimon standing in the center of it all.
It turned toward the two newcomers and grinned, even as Ember’s front half burst into flames.
“
He crashed headfirst into the bipedal goat Digimon, and it stumbled back a few steps but did not fall. It raised one long arm to sweep him away, sending him tumbling head over heels in the sand, and he rolled to a stop next to where Ren was crouched, not far from Flip.
Ember pushed himself to his feet but held his ground. He glared up at the Digimon, baring his teeth, and it simply looked from him to Ezra.
WIth shaking hands, Ezra pulled his digivice out of his pocket and aimed it at the Digimon.
“Mephistomon. Ultimate level fallen angel Digimon. It specializes in the black magic of dark Digimon, and is a highly intelligent tactician.”
It was tall, around three times Ezra’s height, and stood on powerful goat haunches, with huge curling black horns to further drive home the point. A pair of leathery black wings sprouted from its shoulders, matching its long, tattered black tail. Its forearms were furry, the same color as its legs - but it had pale blue hands, and from the elbow up it seemed to be wearing sleeves that connected to no shirt. In the middle of its chest was a golden star marking, looking almost like a pentagram save for the circle border and the addition of a small eye shape in the center.
And its eyes, pure, blinding white, were easy enough to read even with the sand and smoke and mindlessness in the way.
“I’m surprised one of you was brave enough to face me,” they said, still smiling. “It’s been a while since that’s happened.”
“That’s not what this is,” Ezra said, and Mephistomon laughed.
“It doesn’t matter either way. I’m here to kill you, all of you, and I will not fail like my colleagues have.” They looked over at Ember and Ren, their head slightly tilted.
New day, same shit, it seemed. “Let me guess,” Ezra said, jaw clenched. “The archangel sent you. Because he’s too scared to face us.”
Mephistomon turned back to him, their eyes alight in blank fury for a moment, but then they composed themself. “It doesn’t matter. You’re going to die anyway.”
“
Ember leapt for Mephistomon, claws blazing, but they knocked him away with a single sweep of their arm. He went tumbling to the side, practically crashing into Flip.
Ren snarled and flared her tails out. “
“
“
“
“
Ren dashed forward and Ember leapt into the air, hovering for a moment before diving toward Mephistomon. The goat growled as the two of them plus Flip’s projectile managed to push them back a few steps, but they quickly retaliated in kind.
“
Ren and Flip cried out, brought to their knees, and then were consumed with blue and green light respectively, leaving their rookie forms in its wake. Ezra’s heart skipped a beat and he took a step toward them, but his line of sight was quickly blocked by Mephistomon.
They didn’t say anything as they spread their arms out once more, and Ezra didn’t have to be told to get the hell out of the way before the ring could form. “
Mephistomon curled their lip. “I don’t know why you’re struggling so much,” they said, looking pointedly down at Ezra. “If it’s not me that’ll kill you, it’ll be him, and believe me, you would rather it be me than him.”
Ember growled and lit himself up in flames, jumping into the air. “
“Are you okay?” he asked; both of them nodded, though it was weak. “You should get back to your partners. We - Ember can handle things.”
“Are you sure?” Flip said, as Ren furrowed her brow. He looked from Ezra to Mephistomon, worry etched on his face. “If he can’t -”
“He’ll be fine,” Ezra cut in. “Get somewhere safe. If he needs backup we’ll call for someone else. You’ve done enough.”
Ren didn’t look convinced, but she relented, reaching down to scoop Flip into her arms. She gave Ezra one curt nod before turning and running back to where the other humans were standing, her tail cutting a streak through the night as she went.
“
Ezra whirled around to face Mephistomon and Ember again, raising an arm to shield his face from the cloud of smog, but Ember leapt to get in between him and Mephistomon. Ezra darted to the side, away from the attack as it began to spread over Ember, and Mephistomon grinned.
Ezra grit his teeth and planted his feet more firmly in the sand. Mephistomon was toying with them, he could tell. Trying to wear them down until they gave in. Ezra didn’t know whether Ren and Flip devolved because they’d already been fighting Mephistomon for a while, or if that was just the usual result of their Black Sabbath attack, and he didn’t want to find out.
But Mephistomon’s words - “you’d rather it be me than him” - played on repeat in Ezra’s mind like a broken record.
He also didn’t want to find out what that meant.
So you know what? He wasn’t going to. None of them were. They were going to fight Mephistomon and they weren’t going to stop until they retreated or were defeated.
Ezra raised his hands to cup around his mouth. “Give it all you’ve got!” he shouted.
Ember - still facing off against Mephistomon, just in front of him - caught his eye and grinned.
Mephistomon growled and threw their arms out. “
“
He flew down low, rushing past Mephistomon and swiping out at them with both paws as he passed. They stepped to the side to avoid the attack, but Ember swung back around, landing on the ground and sprinting back toward them as his front half caught fire. “
Mephistomon didn’t have enough time to get out of the way, and Ember barrelled into their side just as they were turning to face him. He tackled them to the ground, and though they managed to throw Ember off of themself and get to their feet, they had to take a moment to regain their balance.
In the time it took them to do that, Ember placed himself between Ezra and Mephistomon. Ezra clenched his fists and took a step forward, and Ember looked between him and Mephistomon, now back on their feet, and nodded once.
“Go!” Ezra shouted, and Ember rushed forward, white light forming and expanding around him. It faded, and then there stood Flaremon, finally, after all this time.
He wasted no time, lunging for Mephistomon immediately. “
Mephistomon snarled, hopping backwards to try to dodge the flurry of flaming kicks Ember sent their way, but they weren’t fast enough. Ember caught hold and shoved them to the ground, letting loose a series of punches while they were down. Mephistomon wrested themself free and jabbed a knee into Ember’s chest, sending him reeling back and coughing for air, and Mephistomon pounced, the tables now turned as they pinned him down.
“
“
While the two fighting Digimon were distracted, Ezra chanced a look behind him, turning around to see how the others were doing. The Goatmon’s numbers had, surprisingly, dwindled significantly; as he searched for Castor among the group, he saw him land the final blow on one, and it dissolved into pixels under his claws.
But at the same time, the partner Digimon weren’t faring so well either. Ren and Flip, still devolved, were hanging back near the humans, firing attacks at any Goatmon that got too close but otherwise staying out of the fight. The Goatmon that remained still outnumbered the partners, even if it wasn’t by quite so much anymore, and quite a few of them - partner Digimon and Goatmon alike - seemed to be a standstill, facing each other down and not breaking eye contact but making no move to attack.
Ezra caught Alex’s eye from where he stood at the front of the group, and Alex made to head toward him, but -
“
Ezra practically leapt to the side to avoid the cloud of smoke Mephistomon sent toward him and Ember. He whirled around to check on the two Digimon, watching as Ember shoved Mephistomon back and lit his own paws ablaze. “
“Ezra!” he heard Alex shout, and he looked back toward him. Alex was still getting closer, almost running as he approached, and Ezra held his hands out at him.
“Stay back!” he said, and Alex slowed but did not stop. “We have it under control! It’s fine!” Even though absolutely nothing was fine and Ember had evolved but was barely making a dent in Mephistomon and he didn’t know how much longer any of them could keep going -
“
They grinned down at him.
Ember growled and lunged for them, tackling them to the ground and pulling a fist back. “
“
The spell circle exploded in a flash of red light, and when it cleared, Ember was still standing. His shields retracted back to their neutral positions, and he faced Mephistomon with a fury burning in his gaze.
He raised his palms toward them, burning energy gathering within them.
“
Mephistomon couldn’t dodge in time.
The fire exploded upon contact, waves of heat rolling out from the impact point and making Ezra cough. When they settled, Mephistomon was on one knee, struggling to push themself back up.
Ember stepped forward, holding one paw out to halt them. Mephistomon glared up at him, fingers tightening against the ground.
“Congratulations,” they said, wiping the back of their hand across their mouth. “You’ve defeated me. Do you want a prize?”
“That’s not what this is about,” Ember muttered. “You tried to kill us.” His voice was steady, but Ezra saw his arm waver slightly.
“Oh, I’m sure,” Mephistomon said. “I tried to warn you. I was your last chance at a peaceful death.” They sighed, lowering their other leg so they were in a proper kneel. “I was the last one standing in your way.”
Ezra’s blood went cold, and he gripped the ends of his sleeves. He took a step towards Mephistomon, the goat’s eyes flicking to him at the movement.
“The last one,” Ezra echoed. His voice felt hollow in his mouth. “What do you mean.”
Mephistomon regarded Ezra calmly, before shaking their head and looking back up at Ember. “Unfortunately, I’ve failed in my mission. Too bad. I should have known better, really.” They paused for a moment. “Or, well, he should have. But it doesn’t matter. Because now he does. Took him long enough.”
Mephistomon paused again, one hand shooting up to their throat, and for a second it looked as if they were choking, struggling for air like someone was pressing down on their chest - and then their hand fell to their side and they took a deep breath in.
“You’re going to be sorry that you didn’t take my offer,” they said, looking at Ezra again. “He won’t be merciful. Believe me.”
“Why should we believe anything you’ve said,” Ezra mumbled. “Everyone else has told us the same. They’re going to kill us, he’s going to be so pleased, and we don’t stand a chance against them. Well, guess what. We did. We always do.”
“I think you’re repeating yourself,” Mephistomon said, eyes lidded.
Ember clenched his fists, leaning towards Mephistomon. “So are you. You started this whole thing.”
“Childish.” Mephistomon rolled their eyes. “It doesn’t matter who started it. It only matters who ends it.”
Ezra blinked, and before he could move Mephistomon was up on their feet, holding one arm out towards Ember while they reached down and grabbed Ezra with the other.
“Let go of me!” Ezra shouted, kicking his feet and pushing against their hand, but Mephistomon simply squeezed him tighter, knocking the breath out of him for a moment. Ezra gasped, and Mephistomon loosened their hold slightly.
“Don’t fucking touch him!” he heard Alex shout from far behind him - too far. Mephistomon lifted their head to look out towards him, and Ezra squirmed, trying to twist around to follow their gaze but failing.
Ember growled, raising his own hands to attack. Mephistomon swept their unoccupied arm out towards him, knocking him aside.
“You will be the first to die,” Mephistomon said to Ezra. “You caused us quite a struggle when we attempted to destroy that piece of junk you call a digivice. It didn’t work the way it was supposed to.”
“Fucking - let go,” Ezra snapped, again trying to pry their fingers open, but their grip did not falter. Mephistomon lifted him higher into the air above their head.
“I’ve been trying to convince you all this time that I can give you a painless, easy death,” they said, their voice loud enough for everyone in the clearing to hear. Ezra grimaced, his arms dropping to his sides. “But none of you will listen to me. You insist that I can’t kill you. That nobody else has thus far, so therefore I can’t either.” They shook their head slowly, almost pitifully. “I will prove you wrong.”
“Don’t you dare hurt him,” Ember snarled, pushing himself up to his feet from where he lay in the sand.
“If you make a single move towards me, I will make his death agonizing,” Mephistomon answered - and to accentuate their point, they lifted Ezra even higher, their fingers wrapping tighter around his body. Ezra cried out, the pressure almost unbearable, his insides caving in and his lungs utterly useless, not unlike how he’d felt earlier that day -
The tension loosened and Ezra inhaled sharply, swallowing as much air as he could get.
He looked off to the side and saw Ember frozen in place, glaring at Mephistomon but a deeper fear dancing within his eyes. He caught Ezra’s gaze and looked down at the ground, clenching his fists at his side.
“A death at my hands is a blessing in disguise. Believe me.” Mephistomon lowered Ezra so the two of them were eye level. “You would much rather have me kill you than him. He will not be merciful. He will make you suffer. Suffer for what you have done to this world.”
“We didn’t do anything,” Ezra rasped, his voice barely more than a whisper. “We’ve been trying to save the world. We didn’t -”
“I don’t care.”
Ezra squeezed his eyes shut, unable to look into Mephistomon’s blank gaze any longer.
They didn’t care. They were just doing what they were told. What they were forced to do. It was hard to fault them for that, really, but even so -
“You don’t have to do this,” Ezra said, looking back at them. One last try. One last desperate attempt to save himself, save Mephistomon, save the damn fucking world.
Mephistomon was silent for a while, staring at Ezra with an unreadable expression even despite their empty eyes. They glanced over at Ember for a split second, then cast their gaze over the rest of the group, far beyond them, before settling back on Ezra.
It took a few more seconds for them to speak. Ezra almost didn’t want to hear their answer. He knew it was pointless.
Mephistomon smiled.
“I know.” They blinked, and their eyes were red, slit goat pupils staring into Ezra’s eyes.
He almost choked, his breath caught in his throat like it couldn’t make its way out of his mouth.
“You -” he started. He coughed, shaking his head out. “You’re -”
And then the moment was shattered, because Mephistomon blinked and their eyes were white again.
Ezra’s heart fell in his chest.
“I know I don’t have to do it,” they said, tilting their head ever so slightly. “But he chose me for a reason. I’m not going to give up when I’m this close to doing what no one else could.”
Ezra couldn’t answer. Mephistomon smiled again, less sincerely this time. It didn’t reach their eyes. Of course it didn’t.
“I’m doing this because I believe in it wholly,” they said. “I followed my heart, and it led me to where I am right now.”
Followed their heart.
That was what Ezra had been doing all along. Following his heart. Even when he didn’t think he could keep going, he still had, because it was what his heart had been telling him to do, and who was he to deny it?
And now here Mephistomon was, saying they’d done the exact same.
How fucking dare they say those words to him - those words that had such meaning to him, the words that had led him to where he was right now -
“I’ll follow my heart. It’s led me well.”
What was Ezra’s heart telling him to do, right there in that moment? Did he know?
…Yes.
Ezra set his jaw, pulled his arm back, and socked Mephistomon in the face.
They reeled back, bringing their other hand up to rub at their face as they scoffed, and their grip on Ezra faltered. It was barely more than an inch of slack, but it was all Ezra needed, and he wrenched Mephistomon’s fingers away from his body and fell to the sand with a thump.
He quickly scrambled away, getting as far away from Mephistomon as he could so that they couldn’t grab him again, but he didn’t need to. Something whipped by, a streak of white so fast that he couldn’t get a good look at it, but the words it spoke next were enough indication.
“
“
Castor and Ember attacked in tandem, forcing Mephistomon to the ground once more. They hissed, struggling to push themself to their feet, but Ember shoved them down, readying his fists.
He curled his lip, snarling down at Mephistomon. “I told you not to hurt him.”
Mephistomon grinned, releasing an almost innocent giggle. “So you did. Oh well. I tried.” They made no move to fight back, or even get up from where they knelt. They weren’t lying when they’d said Ember had defeated them. This whole time, they hadn’t shown just how worn down they were getting - but Ezra could tell that they had finally exhausted all their energy.
Mephistomon lifted their head, looking over at Ezra. “I hope you’re happy with the choice you’ve made,” they said. “There’s nothing left to hide behind now. This is it. The end of all things. I know you think you can’t die, but that belief is exactly what’s going to get you killed.”
“I don’t think so,” Ezra said. Mephistomon raised an eyebrow, and Ezra hesitated before continuing. “I know I can die. I’m terrified of it. But I’m not going to let that fear get in the way of what I need to do. What we need to do.” He didn’t know why he was even talking to them. They’d shown him they didn’t care, that nothing he said was going to change their mind. They’d followed their heart, after all. But still Ezra continued. “You can do your best to try to kill me and my friends, but you’re not going to succeed. We’re going to save the world. Both worlds.”
Mephistomon smiled. “That’s cute. Really. But sweet words and rousing speeches aren’t going to save you in the end. Because you’re already in it.”
If Ezra had been looking anywhere else, he almost wouldn’t have seen it - but he was staring down at the sand, unable to look Mephistomon in the eye. And he noticed something.
Mephistomon’s fingers curled into a fist, and without thinking, Ezra strode forward and struck them again.
They practically fell backward into the sand, and they scrambled to get to their feet, but Ember was quicker on the draw.
“
Ezra didn’t move as the burst of flames exploded in front of and around him. When they cleared, Mephistomon was knelt down once more, the tips of their horns beginning to pixelate.
“Welcome to the end,” they said, grinning, and then they burst apart into pixels, fading into the darkening night.
Ezra stood still for a while. He didn’t know how long it was. The only thing he noticed was Ember and Castor devolving, reverting to their rookie forms.
The night was too silent. Ezra realized, somewhat distantly, that all of the Goatmon must have been defeated while Ember and Mephistomon had fought. At the very least, that was something. And yet, despite the silence and the eerie stillness, he was barely able to think.
It was unsettling.
“Ezra!”
Slowly, he turned around toward whoever was calling his name, barely realizing who it was. Alex was running toward him, abandoning any ounce of caution he should have still held, not even caring that just minutes ago he’d nearly died -
But it was still Alex. It was Alex, running toward Ezra faster than he’d ever seen him run before, something shining in the corners of his eyes and a look of relief on his face that was too painfully familiar.
He practically threw himself into Ezra’s arms when he reached him, colliding with him like an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object, but Ezra was less immovable than Alex was unstoppable. Alex tightened his arms around Ezra so fiercely that for a moment Ezra felt the breath knocked out of him for the second time that night. He couldn’t even move his own arms to wrap around Alex, pinned as they were at his sides, and Alex seemingly had no intention of letting go of Ezra. Even as he stepped back, he kept his hands on Ezra’s shoulders, almost as if afraid to let him go.
“I thought you were going to die,” he said, smiling even despite the words coming out of his mouth. Ezra’s throat constricted for a split second. Alex was still talking, still holding onto Ezra. “That was insane. You punched Mephistomon, you punched an ultimate Digimon, you punched them twice! That’s insane! I was so scared, I thought you were going to die -”
Everything that had been holding Ezra back from speaking was thrown out instantly, and he felt his brain practically kickstart into action. He couldn’t keep himself from stumbling over his own words, trying to get them out of his mouth as soon as possible, not even waiting for his brain to try to catch up. “I don’t even know what I was doing, I just had to do something, I didn’t want to let them kill me - I couldn’t, I didn’t want to die, I can’t let that happen yet, not without - without -”
He faltered, realizing he couldn’t say what he wanted to say. Not when Alex was this close. Not when they were barely an inch apart, both smiling and laughing with Alex’s hands on Ezra’s shoulders and Ezra’s cheeks so red they were burning - they were so close that, if he really wanted to, he could -
And then Alex reached down to grab one of Ezra’s hands with his own, and he placed his other hand on Ezra’s cheek, and Ezra felt like he was going to explode, and then Alex kissed him.
It barely even registered in his brain. It took him way too long to realize what was happening. This was everything he’d ever wanted, and he didn’t even realize it at first.
What the hell, Alex just kissed me? was his first thought, followed a few seconds later by don’t just stand there like an idiot, kiss him back, whispered by the buried deep-down part of his brain that he tried so hard to ignore because nothing good ever came of it and it only ever hurt him - but by the time the second thought kicked in, Alex had already released Ezra from his grasp and taken a few steps back, his arms still stretched outwards as if stuck in that position.
“Shit,” Alex said. “Fuck.”
Ezra was still having trouble grasping the situation, so he didn’t immediately respond. He raised a hand to touch his cheek gently, where Alex’s hand had been only moments before, and then he looked at Alex, both their eyes wide as if they’d only just realized what had happened.
“I’m so sorry, holy fuck,” Alex said, running a hand through his hair and looking like he was about to pass out. Ezra felt the same. “Oh my god. What the fuck. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do that - I don’t know what I was thinking, I shouldn’t have done that - oh my god -” He broke off, burying his face in his hands, practically unmoving.
Ezra knew, in the periphery of his brain, that everyone was staring at them - their partners, the other humans, the other Digimon. He knew that Anna was staring at them. He knew that she was going to tell their parents and then they were going to kill him for kissing a boy.
But he didn’t care.
This was the only damn fucking chance he was ever going to get, and he had to take it, because if he didn’t, he was going to die one day without ever having kissed Alex, and he didn’t want to die like that.
Ignoring the way his heart felt like it was going to explode out of his chest, Ezra leaned forward, gently pried Alex’s hands off his face, replaced them with his own hands, and kissed him back.
This really was everything he’d ever wanted. This was what he’d wanted it to be like, those few years ago at that stupid dance when he’d kissed his then-girlfriend. He’d imagined it was Alex. He’d wanted it to be Alex, but it hadn’t been, and he’d known - he’d thought - that it never would be.
But now it was, and he was going to savor it for as long as he could, because even though Alex had kissed him first maybe he didn’t actually mean it in the way Ezra wanted him to? Maybe it was a joke? Sure, it hadn’t felt like one, and he seemed to be genuinely apologetic, but maybe that was also part of the joke? Maybe -
Alex pulled away and Ezra felt his heart drop into his feet.
They stared at each other for a few seconds - still so close to each other that Ezra felt about ready to pass out - and then Ezra realized he needed to say something, because Alex obviously wasn’t going to, and he wasn’t sure whether that was a blessing or a curse.
“I’m sorry.”
Alex blinked, looking confused. “For what?”
Ezra returned the expression. What else would he be sorry for? “For kissing you!”
“I kissed you first!”
“Yeah, but that’s - that’s different -”
“Look - I’m sorry,” Alex said, taking a step back, and Ezra tried not to pay too much mind to the way his stomach sank to his feet as he moved. “I shouldn’t have done that. I - it doesn’t matter what reasons I have, but - I’ve wanted to kiss you a lot over the past few years, and tonight, with Mephistomon and everything -” Wait, did he just say he wanted to kiss Ezra? “- I thought you were going to die and I wasn’t going to get the chance to ever do it, and so I just -” Backtrack a little bit, he wanted to kiss Ezra? “I’m sorry, it’s - I shouldn’t have done that -”
“What?” Ezra said, his voice pathetically quiet.
Alex scrunched his face up and put his hands over it again. “Fuck, I’m a fucking idiot. I’m so sorry. You didn’t have to - to kiss me to make me feel better, or make things less weird, or something, or -”
“That’s not why I did it,” Ezra said.
Alex lowered his hands slightly, just enough to reveal his eyes, and his brow furrowed. “Wait, what? Then why did you -?”
“Because I wanted to.”
God, saying it out loud made him want to dissolve into a puddle. He didn’t know where the confidence to admit it had come from - hadn’t he, earlier today, been trying so hard to ignore all these feelings and shove them back down to where they came from? And now it was like all of that was out the window. He didn’t like saying it out loud. It still made him feel like he was going to spontaneously combust and be reduced to a pile of ash. But… he was able to say it. And that was something, right?
…Why was Alex looking at him like that?
“You wanted to kiss me?” he asked, finally removing his hands from his face.
Ezra swallowed the growing lump in his throat and nodded. “Yeah.”
“Oh,” Alex said. “Oh.”
“Just - you know,” Ezra said, starting to ramble again, and he knew he was, but he couldn’t help it, “I like you a lot, and I have for a really long time, and maybe - god, this is a lot harder than books and movies make it seem. I don’t know how to say it.”
Alex nodded slowly. “…I think we’re both a little scared to say it,” he said. “It is sort of… weird.”
Ezra’s heart skipped a beat. “If it’s weird then we don’t have to do anything, we can just move on and -”
Alex placed a hand over Ezra’s mouth, cutting him off. “You fucking moron, I am in love with you.”
“…Oh,” Ezra said, because it was all he could say, and Alex laughed.
He laughed, and he smiled, the first time he had smiled since they’d kissed, and instantly every single worry melted away from Ezra. It was still Alex. The same Alex he’d always been. The same Alex that Ezra was in love with.
And he was standing right here in front of him and he was smiling and laughing and oh my god they’d just kissed each other.
Alex - still smiling - leaned forward and grabbed one of Ezra’s hands with his own, the same way he always had, but this time it was different. “We’re making a huge fucking scene.”
Goddamnit, they were, weren’t they.
As subtly as possible, Ezra looked around Alex at the group, some distance away. They were all, for the most part, doing a remarkable job of acting like nothing was happening - save, of course, for Anna, who was still staring very intently at them, with Bunny held tight in her arms.
Well, that was great.
And next to them, Castor and Ember were still sitting next to each other, Castor with his tail wrapped neatly around his claws and Ember with the biggest grin ever on his face. They hadn’t said a word the entire time, and Ezra wasn’t sure whether he’d have preferred it if they had or not.
But it didn’t matter. Ezra didn’t care. Because he was standing barely an inch away from Alex, the boy he was in love with and had been in love with practically his whole life, and right now, that was all that really mattered to him.
Who cared if they were making a scene?
Ezra kissed Alex again, and this time he kissed back.
“So what’s the deal with Alex?”
Ezra scrunched his face up but managed not to completely wither away. Anna peered at him curiously, Bunny in her lap mirroring her expression almost perfectly, and if it were any other circumstance Ezra would have laughed at the similarities.
They were back at camp; it had been an hour since Mephistomon had been defeated and… everything else had happened. They’d eaten dinner, they’d recounted what Mephistomon had said, they’d pretended as if nothing had happened between Alex and Ezra - that is to say, nobody said a fucking word about it. Ryan had stared very fiercely at Alex, and Dare had looked like she was about to explode, and then of course there was Anna, but other than that it wasn’t discussed or brought up - which Ezra was beyond grateful for.
Well. It wasn’t brought up by anyone other than Anna, because of course she was curious.
He couldn’t fault her, really, but still.
“I don’t know,” he said honestly, and Anna’s face fell just slightly. “We’re still figuring it out. But I like him a lot.” At his side, Ember smiled.
Anna nodded pensively, and looked as if she were about to say something else, but she didn’t speak. Ezra watched her for a few moments, then sighed and shook his head.
“Please don’t tell mom or dad,” he said quietly, and Anna looked up at him as if he’d just told her he needed help burying a body.
“Why would I do that?” she asked. “Have I ever told them something you didn’t want them to know?”
“No, it’s just -” Ezra shook his head again, digging his fingers into the sand. “This is something really scary to me, you know? I’m not ready to tell them yet and maybe I won’t ever be ready and if they somehow find out I don’t know how I’d deal with that. You know how they are.”
They couldn’t know about this. Not while Ezra was reliant on them for food and shelter. They’d kick him out, or they’d kill him, or maybe both. He’d never been able to talk about anything like this with them, even just the idea of it, and if they found out what had happened -
It wouldn’t be pretty. Ezra didn’t really want to find out what would happen.
Anna looked down at the ground, then nodded. “I know. …Your secret’s safe with me.”
She said it strangely. Ezra couldn’t place why, but something in her tone and something on her face gave him the impression that it wasn’t the only secret she was keeping.
He didn’t know what to make of it.
“Thank you,” he said, instead of anything else he wanted to say, and Anna smiled.
Another hour later, Ezra and Alex were sitting together a bit away from the group.
Everyone else had gone to sleep already; the fire that they’d built was dwindling to embers and sparks. Ember himself was curled up next to Castor, both of them just a few feet away from where Anna and Bunny lay. Anna’s hands kept twitching toward Castor, bundling in his cape for a few seconds before letting go.
Ezra and Alex hadn’t spoken much since they’d gotten back to camp. There hadn’t been the time or space for it - they’d had to eat dinner, and go over the fight, and make sure everyone was being taken care of, and discuss what Mephistomon had said.
Their last few words - about this being “the end”, and nothing standing between them now… it was disconcerting. Worrying, to be sure. Ezra didn’t know what they meant, and he didn’t know when - or if - they’d find out.
It certainly felt like they were approaching the end. He sure hoped they were.
But now, away from everyone else, the two of them were sitting next to each other, the same way they always did when they were awake late at night, except they were just a bit closer to each other and when Alex smiled over at Ezra there was a different look in his eyes than there was usually.
Ezra smiled back.
“You know,” Alex said, the first words he’d said in some time, “I’ve wanted to tell you that I love you a lot. Like, a lot. When we were falling when we first got here, and we thought we were all going to die. That night outside the Frimon village when we were sitting on the rock. The day of the Filmon attack. So many more times. But I couldn’t.” He shrugged, shifting his weight so that Ezra was leaning against his shoulder. “It wasn’t the right place or time. And even if it had been… it wouldn’t have been of any use. Or so I thought.” He sighed and shook his head out. “I don’t… I didn’t think this would ever happen. I really didn’t mean to kiss you today. I just… I thought you were going to die and I wasn’t ever going to get to tell you how much I love you.
“Well,” Ezra said, ignoring the way his cheeks heated up and his breathing quickened, “now you can say it whenever you want.”
Alex smiled down at him, his eyes warm and so full of love and adoration that Ezra couldn’t even put it to words. “I love you,” he said, and Ezra’s heart felt like it might just burst out of his chest. He dipped his head, planting a quick and gentle kiss on Ezra’s forehead, and now he really thought he was going to drop dead.
“Let’s get some sleep,” Alex said, head tilted and still smiling. “We’ve still got a long few days ahead of us.”
They sure did. As they settled in to sleep, next to Castor and Ember, Ezra’s mind was calm. There was no fear, no dread, no creeping feelings of guilt or yearning like he was so used to.
He was still exhausted. They still had a long way to go before this would all be over, he knew. But, for the first time in a very long time, nothing was pulling at Ezra’s heart.
He finally felt like himself again.
Things would be okay. It was going to take a while to get there, but everything was going to be okay. It had to be.