EPISODE 18 - HUNGRY FOR THE KILL
It had been a few days since encountering and fighting Matadormon. The group had managed to work themselves back on track, now finally heading on their original route once more, though in doing so they’d had to quite literally backtrack. Just as it had been when they’d missed the lake, it was endlessly frustrating, but it was going to make things easier down the line, or so Damien said.
Regardless, they were making steady progress towards the coast again, and if that was all there was to be said about their current situation, things could be going well! Maybe they’d be feeling wonderful and extremely happy about their situation! Maybe they would be having fun.
Of course, life wasn’t ever that easy, and as such, everything sucked and nothing had gotten any better and Harmony really just wanted to sleep for a thousand years.
Well, okay, maybe it wasn’t that bad. Maybe she was exaggerating a little bit. But she felt she had a right to.
Don’t I?
For starters, Under Forest was a mountainous forest. Moxie and Pop and Bumble and Damien hadn’t told them about this - it had simply slipped their minds - so nobody (save for those four) had been prepared for it. The terrain up to the lake while they’d been fleeing the Dobermon had been mostly flat, and though Harmony knew she shouldn’t have gotten her hopes up, it was still disappointing, and moreover strenuous.
Secondly, ever since the Dobermon incident, the forest had been… weirdly peaceful. They hadn’t been attacked at all, which compared to their first few days in Starwoods was immensely discomforting. They hadn’t even come across any normal, non-violent Digimon, whether they be openly kind and approachable or watching them from afar like Dollie first had.
It was weird, really, to be able to go about their days normally without constantly having to fight or run away.
Not that they weren’t being cautious, of course, but still.
And thirdly… well… Harmony didn’t really want to think about that right now. That was why she had come out here in the first place - to get away from all the thoughts that’d built up in her head while they’d walked.
Presently she was sitting on top of a large rock she’d found while trying to get away from everyone else. They’d stopped for lunch (or just a rest, for those who weren’t hungry), and Harmony, on the verge of losing her mind, had excused herself from the group, promising not to get too far away, and wandered into the woods to clear her mind.
It wasn’t really working.
Maybe it was just being in the forest that was making her… like this. Maybe she’d feel better once they got to the coast.
But…
There was just so much more they had to do. So much more ground to cover. They had to cross an entire ocean to get to a different continent just to find two (or more) separate mystery people (or Digimon) who would help them save the world (or… two worlds). And they didn’t even know who they were saving it from.
An archangel. That was what Azure had called him.
But who is he? What is he trying to do?
Do we even stand a chance at stopping him?
They had to try, though, right? They had to try. Try to stop him and do what they were here for.
We didn’t even get a choice in it, though.
Harmony sighed and kicked her heels against the rock. Her mind was just going in circles at this point. She so badly wanted to talk to the others about the thought she’d had just a day or two ago when she’d been spiraling on this same tangent, but she didn’t know how. When would the best time be? How could she word it in a way that wouldn’t upset everyone else too badly?
Should I even try, she thought, not for the first time. Will it be worth it.
There was no way to tell. She just had to keep pushing on until she found the right time.
Who knew when that would be.
“Lost in your mind?” came a voice from behind her. Harmony yelped, whirling around to face the newcomer.
It was Moxie, standing a few feet away and smiling. Harmony exhaled, holding a hand to her chest.
“You scared me,” she said, and Moxie laughed.
“Didn’t mean to. I just didn’t want to walk right up to you.” She nodded at the rock. “May I join you?”
Harmony nodded, scooching over as Moxie sat down next to her. She breathed out, stretching her arms in front of her, and Harmony dipped her head.
“How are you?” Moxie asked. “You seemed a bit out of it earlier.”
Harmony shrugged. “Alright. Tired, mostly.” She bit her lip, fiddling with her hands. “It’s all just… so much. All of this.”
Moxie leaned forward slightly as Harmony’s brain caught up with her mouth. She hadn’t meant to say anything about it! She wanted to keep it to herself until she was sure about it. It was just so easy to talk with Moxie, it had slipped out anyways.
Oh well.
“There’s… a lot going on,” she continued, choosing her words carefully, gaze fixed on her own lap. “Everything with Matadormon, and the Dobermon, and finding out more about whoever’s behind all this. And even before that, there was - I don’t know. It’s all -” She waved her hands around, trying to articulate her thoughts with actions rather than words, and Moxie nodded sagely.
“It’s just exhausting,” she said finally, her hands coming to a rest beside her. “I know we have a job to do, but… I’m tired.”
She didn’t know why she was even saying anything. Nothing was going to get any better anyways.
But she hadn’t ever had a good way to express these thoughts before. She definitely couldn’t tell Ren.
It’s not that she wouldn’t understand. She would.
And that’s the issue.
“Yeah,” Moxie said. “I get that. I feel that way too.”
Harmony blinked over at her. “What?”
Moxie smiled and tapped her nails on the rock. “You think I’m not tired of all this too? Of having to save the entire world?” She shook her head. “Sometimes I wonder if I should just turn around and go back home.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” Harmony cut in. “You’re - you were the one who wanted to come with us in the first place. To do all this with us.”
“I still want to do it,” Moxie said, tilting her head. “Believe me. I’m going to go through with this no matter what.” She paused for a moment as she stared off into space. “I don’t know. It’s complicated. I’m going to do it, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy.”
Harmony sucked a breath in, letting her gaze fall to the forest floor. Doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy.
Yeah, I know that.
“It’s not that I’m upset about it being difficult,” she said, and immediately Moxie started to protest, something about no, I know, I’m not saying that, but Harmony shushed her and continued. “I know it’s not going to be easy. I never expected it to be. But…”
She trailed off, looking in the other direction at the trees around them. The forest was still, only the gentlest of breezes rustling the leaves and disturbing the scene. They were alone here. Harmony had no idea where everyone else was. She didn’t know if she wanted to.
“It’s just exhausting when it seems like the world has a grudge against you,” she finished quietly, curling her hands into fists.
Well, she’d saved herself from spilling the question, at least. And Moxie didn’t seem to suspect anything.
“I get it,” Moxie said again, and Harmony shrugged, running her hands over the rock surface. “We’re gonna get through this together. Don’t worry.”
Harmony didn’t reply - couldn’t think of anything to say - and Moxie fell silent as well, though not before reaching over to squeeze Harmony’s hand reassuringly. Harmony smiled over at her, but it fell off her face as soon as she turned back away from her.
She wished she hadn’t said anything.
“Hey,” Moxie said, and it took Harmony a moment to realize she wasn’t talking to her. She followed her gaze off to the side, where Ren stood a safe distance away, just beyond the treeline.
“Sorry if I’m intruding,” the fox said quietly, ducking her head. “I came to find Harmony.”
“You’re not,” Moxie said as Harmony shook her head. “We were just about done talking anyway.” Moxie slid off the rock, heading toward Ren, and waved over her shoulder at Harmony. She returned the gesture, watching her disappear between the trees.
Harmony sighed, rolling her shoulders out. Ren walked over to her, arms crossed, and let Harmony steady herself on her as she stepped down onto the ground.
Ren was looking at Harmony… strangely, she supposed was the best way to put it. She tilted her head, furrowing her brow at her partner. “What’s up?”
“Moxie’s nice,” Ren said, startling Harmony somewhat.
Harmony blinked. “Yeah,” she said, unable to resist a bit of confusion in her voice. “I like talking to her.”
“I can tell,” Ren said, but there was nothing malicious in her tone. Harmony shrugged, brushing her legs off, ignoring the rising sensation in her chest. “Group’s starting to head out,” Ren continued as Harmony straightened up. “We should get going.”
“Lead the way, captain,” Harmony said, still a little confused. How long had she been listening? Did she hear any of what I said? Does she know -
Ren nodded and turned around, heading back in the direction Moxie had left, Harmony following close behind. Her mind was an absolute mess, still swimming with all the thoughts she’d been having recently, but now Moxie and Ren were in there as well. This was what she’d meant when she’d said it was too much to bear. The neverending confusion and anxiety and the thoughts she couldn’t put words to for any number of reasons.
She just wanted it all to stop.
She was silent as she and Ren regrouped with the others, picking up their backpacks and looking to Damien and Bumble for directions again. She smiled at Moxie when their eyes met, and she dug into her bag for a bandage when Ryan asked for it, but she was generally lost in her own world.
…Her own world, aside from Ren, of course.
Conversation was sparse as they walked, having very little to say to each other, and with the uphill climb straining each of them more than usual, they had to save their breath as much as they could. They took frequent breaks, mostly for Azure and the smaller Digimon who were less suited to climbing so steeply, but even during those rests, nobody was very talkative.
Except for Dollie, of course. Though she’d had a few days to get to know the group, and though she knew exactly what they were doing and where they were going, she still had so many questions for them. What had their journey thus far been like? How many fights had they been in? How long was it going to take to find the Catalyst and their missing piece? Why were they the ones chosen to save the world?
Nobody really knew how to answer that last one, so they usually ignored it.
Regardless, she’d been settling in well with the group over the past few days, making quite a place for herself amongst them. After Matadormon had made away with the rest of her pack, she’d had nowhere to go. She was lost and despairing; her family was gone, and she didn’t know what to do next.
The group had, of course, welcomed her with open arms. She’d been such a help in fighting Matadormon and keeping the pack away from them that it was the least they could do in return.
Harmony was glad to have the extra company, to be honest. It had been nice to be able to talk about the state of the Digital World with someone who didn’t have an obligation to save it. Dollie had told them all she knew about the possession and the manic Digimon, though her memory was still foggy, as well as a little bit more about the voice in her head - which, thankfully, had not returned.
Harmony hoped it never would.
“How are you?”
Dollie’s voice brought Harmony back to the present, and she shook herself out. Dollie was looking at her curiously, on the other side of her than Ren.
Why is everyone talking to me today, Harmony thought to herself, but she put on a smile as she looked at Dollie. “Could be better. Just how it always is. How are you doing?”
“Pretty good, really,” she replied, ears perking up slightly. “Which I know is weird, since this isn’t my thing, but…” She dipped her head. “You know what I mean.”
“Well, it’s good that someone is feeling okay,” Harmony mumbled, rubbing her arm slightly.
“You just seem lost in your thoughts,” Dollie continued, almost as if she hadn't heard Harmony. “I mean, more than usual.”
Harmony winced, and beside her, Ren leaned forward a bit to look over at Dollie. “I think we all have a lot on our minds,” she said calmly, surprising Harmony somewhat, but she didn’t interrupt. Ren folded her arms, drumming her claws quietly and looking forward again. “You know that we don’t have a clue what we’re doing. We’re heading for File Island and hoping for the best. That’s really the extent of our plan right now.” She paused, looking down at her feet for a moment. “It’s okay for us to be worried.”
“I know,” Dollie said, a bit awkwardly. “I just wanted to make sure Harmony was doing okay. Sorry.”
Harmony didn’t say anything; she just smiled at Dollie and patted Ren’s paw to tell her to back off, which she did, thankfully. They fell into silence again, Harmony lost in her thoughts even more this time around, because now she was focused on the fact that even Dollie could tell that something was wrong.
The group stopped for a break eventually after reaching the top of a large hill; the terrain ahead was mostly flat, but they could see in the distance where it slanted and kept going upwards, no doubt as steep as the hill they’d just climbed. It was still too early for dinner, and nobody was hungry anyways, but they refreshed themselves with water and rested their legs. Harmony stayed away from the majority of the group, sitting next to Ren and Dollie and not many others.
She felt sort of… contagious, almost. As if being around the others would infect them with the thought that had been plaguing her mind for the past few days, and then they, too, would have the same idea as her.
Probably not the best comparison to make, considering the whole deal with the infected (or manic) Digimon, but whatever.
They got walking again shortly after, Harmony ending up in almost the dead middle of the procession as they headed out. She tried to stay away from the ones around her, drawing in on herself as much as she could, but nobody else seemed as intent on staying away from her as she was on staying away from them.
Ren must have noticed her discomfort, because she reached a paw down to grab Harmony’s hand. Instantly it was like a hundred pounds of pressure had been taken off her back; all the built-up tension in her body was gone just like that, with such a simple gesture. She couldn’t bring herself to look over at Ren to smile, but she squeezed her paw, and Ren squeezed back.
Harmony took a deep breath and let go of it slowly, reveling in the sensation of the air leaving her body and her chest falling. The weight on her shoulders was still there, faintly, but it was barely noticeable now. It was manageable.
It also helped a lot when the rest of the group got to talking and she felt that rising panic in her chest again. It was almost grounding her, in a sense. It wasn’t helping entirely, because that would be too much to ask for, but it was better than nothing.
“How long do you think it’s going to take to find the Catalyst?” Alex asked from up ahead.
He’d asked the group as a whole, not anyone in particular, and as such it took a few moments for someone to take it upon themselves to be the first to answer.
“Maybe a couple weeks,” Damien said with a shrug, poking around on his phone. “File Island is around the same size as where you’ve all been here on Server, starting with that forest - Host Forest? - that you got dropped in. So it shouldn’t be more than a couple weeks.”
“And how many weeks is a couple,” Ryan said.
Damien shrugged again, pocketing his phone. “Dunno. How many weeks have you been here?”
Harmony frowned. It wasn’t the first time they’d been faced with the fact that they had been here for several weeks, but that didn’t make it any easier to hear. The fact they’d been gone from their home for a month. The fact they’d been away from their families for a month. The fact they had no idea how much longer they had left here.
“Four,” she said, almost unaware she’d done so until she saw Damien look back at her and nod.
“So then probably four weeks,” he said, “give or take. Probably less, considering we might find the Catalyst before we’ve scoured the whole island.”
“And if we don’t?” Flip asked from his position in Miguel’s arms a few yards behind Harmony.
Damien smiled humorlessly. “Then we go again. Round two.”
“Yuck, no thank you,” Dare said, sticking her tongue out to accentuate. “Aren’t there, like, frozen wastelands on File Island? Deserts that stretch for miles that take weeks to cross? Why would we go through those places more than once?”
Alex snorted, shaking his head out. “We’ll be fine. The Catalyst is a human, right? Why would they live in a frozen wasteland?”
“We don’t know that it’s a human,” Ren said, tightening her grip on Harmony’s hand ever so lightly. Dollie pricked her ears up, but remained silent. “Piximon said nothing about that.”
“But it was implied.”
“Literally no it wasn’t.”
“New question,” Castor said, nudging Alex’s leg to get him to shut up. “What about the deal with our ‘missing piece’? We haven’t been focused on that nearly as much as we should be.”
“We know less about them than we do the Catalyst,” Azure said, stretching their arms above their head. “Piximon was ridiculously unhelpful an’ nobody we’ve talked to has any idea who either of them are. As it stands, we know more about the Catalyst, so it’s easier to focus on that.”
“We know a little bit,” Castor said. “Piximon refused to answer whether or not the missing piece was a human or a Digimon, but if they’re actually part of our group, we can assume they’re both. Another partnership.”
Alex muttered something about “oh, I thought he’d said that about the Catalyst, that’s why I…”, sneaking a glance over at Ren as he did, but Azure continued before she could respond.
“Piximon was very clear that the Catalyst is on File Island, and that the Catalyst and the missing piece are separate, and that was all he was clear on.” They shook their head. “Even if it was implied that our missing piece is another partnership, he didn’t confirm it, so we cannot treat it as fact.”
…They both had a point. They’d been so focused on heading to File Island to look for the Catalyst that Harmony had almost forgotten entirely about the “missing piece”. Even if they found the Catalyst as soon as they set foot on File Island, they still had to figure out who they were missing, where they were, how to find them…
Honestly, Harmony had also assumed that their missing part was another partnership. With what Meicoomon and Nohemon and the Aegiochusmon had said, about them still missing someone even after they’d met Moxie and Damien and their partners… well, it was the most obvious answer, right?
She shook her head out, focusing on the conversation again as she came back to reality.
“Of course they’re still important,” Ko was saying, having taken over for his partner, “but we need to focus on finding the one we actually know the location of.”
“What if our missing piece isn’t on File Island, though?” Alex said, tilting his head down at Ko. “Do we come back here to Server to look for them?”
“Are you suggesting we completely alter our course just because of a last-minute realization you’ve had,” Bumble said flatly, looking over his shoulder at Alex.
Alex opened and closed his mouth a few times, raising a finger as if to argue, but no words seemed to come to mind. He snapped his jaw shut after a few moments, crossing his arms and glaring off to the side. At his feet, Castor bumped up against his legs, and from across the line Dare snickered at him.
“Exactly,” Bumble said, looking ahead again. “We’ve already made plans. It would be foolish to change them now.”
“We look for the Catalyst first,” Pop picked up. “It should be easier to find it.”
Harmony exhaled, reaching a hand up to tug at her backpack strap. Ren glanced over at her, but didn’t say anything, and Harmony simply smiled at her before resuming her gaze forward, kicking up rocks and sticks in her path as she kept going.
Fun talk, huh.
But the conversation wasn’t over. Across from her, Ezra sighed dramatically, hunching over and dangling his arms down as he walked. “There’s still so much we don’t know,” he said, wiping the back of his sleeve across his nose. “We barely know where to start. How are we supposed to do any of this at all?”
How are we supposed to do this?
It felt like something had been sparked - awakened - deep within Harmony when she heard the question spoken aloud by someone else.
Someone else had asked the very same question she had asked herself not three days ago, and they were asking it genuinely.
She couldn’t stop herself from answering.
“…What if we didn’t, then. What if… what if we didn’t do this.”
She realized around three words in what she was saying, but she was completely unable to stop herself as she continued, as if some intangible presence was forcing the words out of her mouth. She winced as she finished her sentence, faltering in her stride, and she felt her fingers slip out from Ren’s paw.
What if we just didn’t.
Her question elicited the same reaction she’d expected it to: complete and utter shock. The group stopped dead in their tracks, almost all at once, and slowly they all turned to face her. Harmony stopped too, having already slowed down enough for Ren and Dollie to be a few steps ahead of her.
She cast her eyes downward, unable to look anyone in the eyes, not even her own partner.
“What?”
It was Alex; of course it was. There was no malice or anger in his tone, none of what Harmony had kind of been expecting, kind of felt she’d deserved. Just… plain, simple dumbfoundedness.
Harmony didn’t answer for a few moments, kicking her foot against the ground instead. When she spoke again, her voice trembled. She didn’t want it to. She tried her best to still it, to no avail.
“If we didn’t do what we were supposed to do.” She didn’t even know what she was saying anymore. Why did I think this would be a good idea. “If we said no to this. And just didn’t do it.”
“What is ‘this’, exactly?” Azure cut her off, frowning at her.
Harmony grimaced, rubbing her arm gently. “…Whatever it is that we’re supposed to do here. Fulfill our destiny. Save the world. What if we just didn’t.”
“Why are you bringing this up?”
“I don’t know,” she said, voice rising in volume, and she snapped her mouth shut. Azure regarded her with unreadable eyes, and she clenched her jaw.
“Sorry,” she mumbled. “Just… because of everything that’s been happening recently, I was just thinking - that, like, if maybe we just… don’t do it.”
More silence from the group; Harmony almost considered dropping the subject and walking forward, but she was interrupted by Ren placing a paw on her shoulder and turning her around to face her.
Her partner’s eyes were narrowed and ears pinned back, and she fixed Harmony with a cold stare. “What do you mean ‘don’t do it’?”
Gee, lot of questions going around today, aren’t there. Harmony shook her head.
“I… it’s just so much, right? Like, everything with Matadormon a few days ago, and everything else that happened even before that - I mean, we have to go to an entire other continent. And find something we don’t even know where to start looking for. It’s so much. We’re just kids.” She shrugged, rubbing her fingers together, still staring straight down. She couldn’t bear to face anyone right now.
What a fucking stupid idea.
Fucked up! I fucked up! I shouldn’t have said anything! I should have kept my head down and mouth shut and I shouldn’t have fucking -
“But we have to,” Moxie said, her voice wavering, and that was what made Harmony finally look up at someone.
The sun was far past its peak in the sky by now; it wasn’t setting quite yet, but it was getting there. With each passing minute it was growing more difficult to see ahead of themselves as they walked, the tree branches far above their heads blocking out most light. They could still see, sure - they weren’t entirely blind - but details were hard to discern. They could see trees ahead of them, and stones and fallen branches in their path, and they could see the silhouettes of their companions, but not much more than that.
Harmony couldn’t pick out the intricacies of each of her friends’ expressions the way she normally would be able to. She couldn’t tell exactly what was on their minds, because try as they might, they all wore their hearts on their sleeves and their feelings on their faces.
She didn’t know what, exactly, Moxie was thinking when she said those four words. She didn’t know why her voice was quivering or why the creases under her eyes were different now than they usually were when Moxie was upset. She didn’t know why there seemed to be something almost hurt in her voice.
She didn’t know any of it, and it scared her.
“Um,” she said, trying not to think about any of that. “Do we, though?”
“Yes,” Ezra said, Ember nodding vigorously. “We have to do something. We can’t just… give up and hope everything solves itself.”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” Harmony said, but she knew it was a weak argument. “I’m just - it’s so much. It’s so much. And we don’t even know what we’re supposed to do, or how to help all the manic Digimon, or who’s behind it, or -”
“So we figure it out,” Castor said, voice calm despite the look on his face. “We figure out what to do and how to do it. That’s -”
“We’ve been trying!” Harmony shouted, finally at the end of her patience. …Not patience. Limit? What was the word? It wasn’t that she wasn’t patient, it was - “We’ve been trying for a whole month to figure out what the hell is going on and we keep failing!” Her voice was breaking at this point, and she wiped the back of her hand across her eyes quickly. “No matter what we do, we never figure it out! We try and we fail! We always fail!”
“Then try harder.”
Harmony froze instantly, ice crawling down her veins as she turned to look at Damien. His words hadn’t held much emotion in them - when did they fucking ever - but they didn’t need to, and not only because the words themselves were indicative enough.
Damien was always hard to read. Harmony could never quite figure him out, could never tell what he was actually feeling whenever he said something. He was difficult.
But right now, he was practically an open fucking book. He stood as he always did, a fist on his hip and the other in his pocket, head tilted slightly. He’d even had the decency to not have his sunglasses on so that Harmony could see the look in his eyes all the more clearly.
Irritation. Frustration. Disdain. Everything Harmony had expected but was still entirely unprepared for.
Why hadn’t Moxie been this easy?
She couldn’t say anything to him, having no words and no energy left to argue. Instead she looked to Moxie, expression still distant and impossible to decipher, and then to Ren, dead silent throughout it all, having nothing to say to her. Nothing to say to defend her.
“So we would just stay here, then,” Ryan said, someone finally breaking the silence. Harmony glanced over her shoulder at him, almost not even wanting to see what he was thinking but unable to stop herself. He met her gaze evenly. “Since there’s no way home for us.”
“Yeah,” she mumbled, voice barely above a whisper, trying as hard as she could to speak up. “I don’t know. It’s a stupid idea.”
Nobody moved or spoke again. They were still just watching her, not saying anything. Not even understanding her.
“We have to do something,” Moxie said, piercing Harmony’s heart straight through the center. “We can’t give up now. We’re in too deep.”
“She’s right,” Alex said. “We have to at least try. We’re the only ones who can do anything.”
Harmony nodded. “Okay.” Her mouth felt numb. Her whole body felt numb, actually. “Okay then. Sorry. I -” She sniffed, wiping her nose. “Okay.” It was all she could manage to say around the raw feeling in the back of her throat. She blinked rapidly, clearing away the tears forming in the corners of her eyes, and then she exhaled sharply, squaring her shoulders. “Let’s keep going.”
She didn’t wait to see if anyone was looking at her or following her before she started walking again, brushing past Alex and Castor and Damien at the front of the line. Slowly, behind her, she heard everyone else start to move as well, some of them more hesitant but still following.
She didn’t look back, not even when Ren and Dollie both caught up with her. She kept her eyes forward and fists clenched and mouth shut and eyes definitely dry.
Definitely.
From there on out, the walk was silent. Nobody was even looking at her. It was like she didn’t exist anymore.
Not unusual for her. It still hurt.
They reached the end of the even terrain and started climbing up the hill they’d seen in the distance the last time they’d stopped. They went slower, Alex and Damien and Moxie and their partners making their way to the front of the line so they could lead the group up the best possible path. Harmony averted her gaze as Moxie passed her, not wanting to make eye contact. She sensed her lingering near her for a few moments longer than she had to, probably waiting for Harmony to look over. She didn’t. Eventually Moxie gave up, passing her and falling into step beside Damien a few yards ahead. Harmony still didn’t look up.
If she could do the day all over again, if she had that chance, she would take it in a heartbeat. Nothing that had come of today - not even her talk with Moxie earlier, or Ren holding her hand - was worth the insurmountable shame and guilt that had settled in her chest. It was unbearable. She felt like she was collapsing from the inside out.
The only thing that made it a little better was the fact that Ren and Dollie were still keeping pace with her. They weren’t looking at her, and Ren especially seemed to be acting like she wasn’t even there, but at least they hadn’t abandoned her. It was better than nothing.
She couldn’t help but turn over the conversation in her head, on repeat, never ending. What had led up to it, why she’d snapped, why she hadn’t just shut up after she’d realized what she was saying instead of continuing on. As if anyone in the group would ever agree with her. Sure, four weeks ago they’d been all in on finding a way home as soon as possible, but now? Now that they knew why they were here and what they had to do? Even if they didn’t know the specifics, they knew that they had to do something.
Had to do something. They had to do something.
They knew enough to know that they were the only ones who stood even a sliver of a chance at saving the world, and she had had the brilliant idea to suggest that they just give up.
Even Ryan, the one who had been most intent on getting out of this world as soon as possible a few weeks ago, had looked at her like she’d just stabbed him in the back.
God.
She didn’t feel like a real person. She barely even felt real, period, least of all because everyone around her was acting like she didn’t exist and had never existed. Maybe she hadn’t.
The only thing grounding her was the steady rhythm of her feet on the forest floor. One foot after another, walking in a straight line, carrying her for as long as she had to go. She just… had to keep going. That was all she could do.
And yet, despite everything, she couldn’t stop herself from breathing a hushed “oh, wow” as they reached the top of the hill they were climbing and looked down at the valley cascading out before them.
Moxie and Pop had mentioned the valley yesterday. They’d said they would reach it within the next few days, and once they did, their journey to the coast would be a lot easier, what with not having to climb uphill anymore. It only made sense, really - once you climb high enough, eventually you’ll reach the top, and then there’s nowhere to go but down.
…Hm.
But Harmony hadn’t expected them to reach it so soon. Or maybe she just hadn’t expected them to reach it while everyone was still reeling from the conversation earlier. It felt out of place, almost, for them to be here right now, so soon after everything that had happened.
Did she even deserve this?
The hill sloped down out from where they stood, a much gentler incline than the one they’d had to climb up to get here. The valley was wooded - they were still in Under Forest - but the closer to the bottom, the thinner the forest got, leaving more open areas and more places Harmony could see scatterings of flowers. Far across from them was another hill, smaller than the current one but still tall enough to be a difficult trek.
They wouldn’t need to climb it, though, because off to the west, Harmony could see nothing but the open evening sky, no hills or trees or anything in sight except for the setting sun.
It was transfixing. Harmony felt much like she had a few weeks ago, when they’d seen - what was it? Yggdrasil? - for the first time.
Her breath wasn’t knocked out of her this time, but it was still amazing.
The effect was immediately broken by Damien whistling. “Man, fuck what Harmony said. If giving up means I don’t get to see things like this anymore, then I’m sticking through till the end.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Ryan snapped, at the same time as Moxie said “Hey!” and smacked his shoulder.
Harmony shrunk back at Damien’s comment, relaxing slightly when Ren brushed her tail over her shoulders, but she couldn’t shake the rolling sensation in the bottom of her stomach. She kept her eyes off him, fixing her gaze on the valley ahead of her, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing he got to her, even if the look on her face betrayed her anyways.
“I’m just saying,” Damien said, holding his hands out, but he didn’t continue.
“Look!” Miguel cried, and whether he was changing the subject for Harmony’s sake or not, she didn’t know, but she was endlessly grateful for the interruption anyway. He pointed out across the valley, slightly off to the northwest, where the opposite mountain sloped down just enough for them to see -
“It’s the ocean!”
It was. Glittering in the last few rays the sun had to give to this world for the night was the ocean, looking all the world like it was waiting for them.
“We’re almost there,” Flip said, something wistful in his voice and eyes. He smiled, shaking himself out and waddling forward. He turned around and looked up at Moxie and Damien, then at the rest of the group. “Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go!”
“Hold on just a second,” Damien said, as Bumble lunged forward to grab Flip when he started to leap down the mountain. “We’re not getting to the ocean tonight.” Flip and Miguel both visibly deflated, and he carried on. “Tomorrow for sure, but it’s going to be dark soon, and we can’t make it to the coast before sunset. We’ll make it a bit further down the mountain and then set up camp for the night.”
“Nothing has attacked us in days,” Alex said, stepping forward to stand next to Damien. “I’m sure we’d be fine walking through the night.”
“But there’s no reason for us to,” Bumble said. “We’re not in any hurry to get to the coast. One more night in the forest won’t kill us.”
“Unless it does,” Alex mumbled, but he backed off, gesturing for Damien and Bumble to lead the way. They did, heading down the mountain, the rest of the group falling into line behind them.
Harmony stuck to the back of the group, as usual. Ren hung back with her, but Dollie - though not before casting a glance over her shoulder - stayed at the front, walking alongside Ezra and Ember.
It was fine. Dollie had already spent so much of the day with her and Ren. It was okay.
Speaking of Ren. Harmony snuck a quick glance over at her, just enough to look at her face. She looked… fine. Normal. Not like she was mad or disappointed or anything. That was good.
But she still wasn’t looking at Harmony.
She supposed she could have told Ren sooner. It wasn’t like she would have told anyone else, she knew that. And she hadn’t been too upset with her earlier? It hadn’t seemed like it, at least, except for when she’d asked what she had meant and she’d looked almost angry. Betrayed.
She hadn’t told Ren because she knew she would understand and she couldn’t deal with that. Ren would know why Harmony was so distraught over this. She would understand her perfectly, just like she always did, even when Harmony wished she wouldn’t.
She would understand, but she wouldn’t care.
That was what the issue was.
“You okay?”
“Huh?” She blinked, looking over at Ren. There was something like concern on her face. Harmony chose to ignore it. “I’m fine. Really.” She crossed her arms, drawing in on herself.
“Really,” Ren echoed, and Harmony nodded. “Well. Forgive me if I don’t believe you.” Harmony flinched, and Ren’s expression softened, just as her tone did when she spoke again. “I’m not going to try to talk to you about it. Now’s not the right time. But you look like a wreck.”
“Who wouldn’t,” Harmony said. Her voice was too hollow for her liking. “I said a lot of stupid things today and now everyone’s mad at me for it. Of course I’m a wreck.”
Ren tilted her head. “I don’t think they’re mad at you,” she said, saying nothing to refute the first half of Harmony’s sentence, which honestly just made the pit in her stomach grow larger. “Just confused.” She looked upward for a moment, then shook her head, looking back at Harmony. “Again. I won’t talk to you about it right now; we can do that later. But I want to make sure you’re doing okay.”
“I’m fine,” Harmony repeated. She was really not liking the implications of Ren’s words. Talking about it later. The hell was there to talk about? She’d gotten her answer from everyone - a huge resounding no - and they’d dropped the subject. Talking about it wouldn’t do any good.
Maybe she meant talking about her feelings. Normally Harmony would be all for that, but right now, with the way Ren was looking at her… and in this context…
She shrugged. “I’ll be okay.”
“If you say so,” Ren said quietly, and left it at that.
They walked well into darkness; despite Damien and Bumble’s insistence earlier, even once the sun had fully set, nobody was ready to stop just yet. Nobody was ready to have to talk to each other, especially with what the main topic of conversation for the day had been.
About an hour after they couldn’t see more than a foot in front of themselves, and about halfway down the mountain, they called it quits for the night, setting up camp on a relatively flat stretch of land. Harmony was quick to volunteer to look for firewood, taking the first opportunity she could get to get away from everyone, and thankfully Moxie let her go without much fuss. It was hard to see in the dark, but she and Ren found a decent amount of branches quickly enough, and headed back once they were satisfied with their collection.
It was almost too quiet in the forest. If she were alone, or at least in a better mood, Harmony would absolutely take the chance to sing, to try to breathe some life back into the woods. It was hard not to remember the other times over the past few weeks she’d sung to comfort herself. How time flies. How times change.
The fire was swiftly built up when she and Ren returned, Ember grabbing their firewood and setting it ablaze as quickly as he could. Dinner was ready soon after, everyone gathering around the fire to eat. Harmony sat away from the group slightly. Ren and Dollie were closest to her, Ren actually next to her while Dollie was in the midway point between her and the rest of the group.
“I can’t wait till we get to the ocean,” Ezra said with a sigh, sitting down next to Alex. “I am going to run into the water and let the waves reclaim me and you will never see me again.”
“Really,” said Azure, tilting their head. “I’d think that Flip would have been the most likely to disappear into the ocean.”
“Trust me, if it wouldn’t have any repercussions, I would,” Flip piped up from across the fire. “But I don’t want to just abandon you all. That would be mean.”
Harmony flinched, biting her lip by mistake as she clenched her jaw. She knew he didn’t mean it like that, especially since he immediately turned to look at her apologetically, but it still stung.
“Well I don’t care about that,” Ezra said, and Alex smiled. “I am doing this for me and me alone. No one else on my mind. If you’re sad about me disappearing, that’s on you.”
“What about me?” Ember pouted, the flames on his tail flaring up slightly. “Wouldn’t you miss me at least?”
Ezra smirked. “Do you want to come with me?”
Ember lit up, a grin spreading across his face as he pumped his fists up and down. “Yes!” he cried. “We can disappear into the ocean together and then we’ll have no responsibilities!”
“No more school,” Ezra said wistfully, clasping his hands together in mock dreaminess. “No more chores. No more ‘get a job learn to drive apply to college blah blah’. I’ll be free.”
“There’s nothing you’d miss about civilization?” Ryan said, leaning forward where he sat. Harmony saw Dare perk her head up from the other side of him, peering at him curiously and then following his gaze towards Ezra, where she blinked and then grinned wickedly.
Ezra shook his head, wiping his mouth and shifting in his seat. “Nothing at all.”
Ryan narrowed his eyes. “Really,” he said.
“Would you miss me?” Alex cut in, leaning towards Ezra and smiling as sweetly as he possibly could, fluttering his eyelashes for extra effect.
Ezra opened and closed his mouth, looking from Alex to Ryan and then back again as his cheeks grew redder. He looked back to Ryan, clenching his jaw and practically scowling at him, and Ryan took on a faux incredulous look, placing a hand on his chest as if offended that Ezra would think he was hinting at anything.
“Nnnnnno,” Ezra said, shoving Alex away. Alex fell back, pouting at Ezra. “I already told you. I’m going to leave everyone behind -”
“Except for me!” Ember chimed in.
“Except for Ember,” Ezra said with a nod, “and if anyone has an issue with it then that’s on them.”
“Leaving me behind just like that,” Alex sighed, leaning back on his hands and tilting his head back to stare up at the trees. “How could you do that to me.”
“Very easily,” Ezra said. Alex glared over at him and Ezra laughed, shoving him away again.
Harmony was glad the conversation had stayed away from what she had dreaded it would center around. She was glad everyone else was laughing and having fun. She was glad they were doing okay.
She wished she could say the same for herself.
They finished their dinner soon after, everyone making their final preparations for the night and then settling down around the dying fire. Harmony kept away from everyone else, crouched over her backpack as she rustled through it. She paused for a moment, then reached in and grabbed her digivice, shoving it into her pocket.
She didn’t know why. It just felt better to have it with her.
She sat there for a few minutes more, trying to make herself look busy, not wanting to go over and join the others. She reorganized and took things in and out, going over them meticulously for no reason at all. Anything to keep herself occupied.
“Hey.”
She nearly had a heart attack, not for the first time that day, and spun around on her heel to face Moxie, trying to calm her racing heart. If it had been hard to read Moxie’s face earlier, it was impossible now, so shrouded by the shadows of the night and the backlight of the fire she was.
But even so, she smiled at Harmony - maybe a little hesitantly, and Harmony couldn’t tell if it reached her eyes or not, because, you know - and knelt down next to her. Harmony scooted away instinctively, trying to make more room for her, but Moxie must have gotten the wrong idea, as she drew back slightly, curling her fingers into a fist pressed against her heart.
Great.
“Hi,” Harmony said when the silence grew awkward. “Um. What -”
“Are you doing okay?” Moxie asked, not even waiting for Harmony to finish.
Harmony felt a twinge of something in her chest, but ignored it, shoving it deeper down. “Yes.” Honestly, she was getting a little tired of everyone constantly asking her how she was doing, if she was feeling alright, was she feeling guilty enough yet for what she’d said earlier -
“I mean about everything else,” Moxie said, once again cutting Harmony off, though not intentionally this time.
“I know what you mean,” Harmony said, voice dry in her mouth. She swallowed and turned her head away, looking down at her backpack again. “I’m fine. Really. And it wouldn’t matter anyway even if I wasn’t -”
Moxie reached forward, placing a hand on Harmony’s arm and drawing her attention back. She frowned slightly and leaned closer. “First of all, yes it would. Doesn’t matter what you said, it would still matter.”
“Even if you’re mad at me?” Harmony said, finally her turn to interrupt.
Moxie blinked at her. “What?”
“You’re mad at me, right,” Harmony said. “Like, about what I said earlier. Everyone is. I know they are.”
“I’m not mad at you,” Moxie said gently, and for a moment Harmony almost believed it with how softly she spoke. “I - that’s not what that was, earlier. I was confused. Like… why it came up then, instead of any other time. And confused about what you meant? I don’t know.” She trailed off. Her hand was still on Harmony’s arm. Harmony tried to ignore it. “Confused and worried and…”
Harmony bit her lip. “And hurt?”
Moxie took a moment to reply, looking off to the side. “…Yeah, a little. I think. But not like you had betrayed me or anything. It was more like…” She placed her other hand over her mouth. “Hurting for you. That this was what you had meant earlier when we talked. And you hadn’t told me.”
“I didn’t know how.” Harmony shifted slightly, trying not to disturb Moxie’s grip on her arm, for reasons Harmony couldn’t figure out god why was she so close to her there was no reason for them to be this close.
“I know,” Moxie said, sounding like she really meant it. “But that wasn’t all of it, was it?”
Harmony snapped her jaw shut. “…No.”
Moxie smiled faintly, finally leaning back and letting go of Harmony’s arm. Immediately, without even thinking, Harmony followed her, placing her own hand on top of Moxie’s - and then she realized what she was doing and panicked and fell backward in an attempt to get away. She closed her eyes, looking away from Moxie, ignoring as best she could how fast her heart was beating.
And then she felt Moxie’s hand on her cheek and she opened her eyes to see Moxie looking directly at her.
She couldn’t breathe.
“Harmony,” Moxie said, and Harmony felt like she was going to pass out. Moxie inched closer, eyes never leaving Harmony’s face. “You can talk to me about anything. You know that, right?”
There were words caught in Harmony’s throat. Words she couldn’t speak, couldn’t even think about, without feeling something almost unfamiliar deep within her.
Almost, but not quite.
Unfamiliar and unwanted.
“Anything at all.”
“I can’t do this,” Harmony whispered. She pulled back, averting her gaze from Moxie. “Any of this. This whole - everything. It’s too much.”
Moxie didn’t respond, and Harmony didn’t look over at her. She wiped her face quickly, taking a deep breath. “I’m - I’m fine. Like I said. I’m okay.”
“Okay,” Moxie said. “If you ever -”
“I got it.”
Moxie slowly stood back up, and Harmony finally looked forward again, though kept her eyes on the ground. Moxie lingered for a moment, then turned around and walked back to the rest of the group. Harmony watched her leave. She didn’t do anything to make her stay.
She didn’t think there was anything she could do.
Ren came over to her eventually, after she’d been sitting there for a while, numb to everything around her and still staring at where Moxie had disappeared into the darkness. Ren looked down at her for a few seconds, not saying anything, and finally Harmony looked up at her.
“What?”
“Can we talk,” Ren said, and Harmony once again felt that panic in her chest.
“Um. Right now?”
“Yes.” Ren crossed her arms, looking up and around the clearing, then back down. “Let’s go for a walk. Away from everyone else.”
Ren didn’t wait for a response, turning around and walking away, deeper into the forest. Harmony watched her go for a few seconds, then, cursing under her breath, snatched her jacket out of her backpack and followed.
Ren led them deep into the woods, Harmony trailing behind but never straying too far. She didn’t speak, which Harmony felt went against the whole idea of “taking a walk and talking”, but she didn’t say anything either. She didn’t have to, though, because eventually, probably once Ren was certain nobody was nearby, her partner spoke up.
“How -”
“If one more person fucking asks me how I’m feeling I am going to start throwing rocks,” Harmony snapped.
Ren slowed her pace so she could walk beside Harmony. “So I’ll take that answer to mean ‘bad’.”
Harmony sighed. “Whatever. Maybe. Yes.” She shook her head. “What does it matter? My feelings don’t have any effect on whether or not I was an idiot today. I already know the answer to that.”
Ren was silent. Harmony groaned. “I’ll take that answer to mean ‘yes, you were an idiot, and I don’t know how to reassure you’.”
“Well, I would never call you an idiot directly, if that helps,” Ren mumbled, which was the opposite of helpful.
“What did you even want to talk to me about,” Harmony muttered, trying her best to get back on track. She kicked away a stone lying in her path, sending it careening towards a tree, and it made a sharp snapping sound when it hit the trunk. “Everyone already told me it was a stupid idea, and it was. It was stupid of me to bring it up. But it’s over now. We can move on. Just now everyone knows how much of an idiot and a coward I am.”
“Hey,” Ren said sharply, stopping in her tracks and turning to grab Harmony by the shoulders. She leaned in, putting her face up right in front of Harmony’s. “Stop. You are not an idiot and you are not a coward. You may have dumb ideas and you may be scared of things at times but that does not define you.”
“What am I, then?” Harmony said, trying not to show how much Ren was getting to her.
Ren stepped back, letting her arms fall to her sides, one ear twitching. “You’re a kid. You didn’t get a choice in any of this and you’re doing the best you can with it. Through it all, you have to do your best.”
“I have been,” Harmony said. “I’ve been doing my best this whole time. But it’s too much. I can’t -”
“Yes, you can,” Ren said, “because you have to.”
Not this again, Harmony thought, and she huffed. “Oh, so now you’re doing this to me.”
“Doing what?”
Harmony waved her hands in the air, turning around to take in the woods around her. “This - ‘oh, you have to do it, so why bother complaining about it’. That shit.”
“That’s not what this is,” Ren insisted, and Harmony laughed.
“Oh, sure it isn’t,” she said, crossing her arms and turning away slightly. “I’m telling you that I’ve been doing my best this whole time and yet nothing has come of it and you’re saying that - that my worries don’t matter because I just - need to suck it up and go on with it - doesn’t matter if I - if it all gets to be too much -”
She cut herself off with a shaky breath, hugging her arms to her chest and very pointedly avoiding looking at Ren. She’d said too much. Ren didn’t care. This was why she hadn’t told her earlier, why she hadn’t told Moxie, why she hadn’t told anyone.
Nobody cares.
She opened her mouth to say something more, but she was cut off by a noise nearby - a twig snapping. Instantly she turned to look at it, heart rate quickening, and Ren stepped closer to her, fists clenched.
“It’s just me,” Dollie’s voice came from the direction of the sound as she stepped closer into view. She dipped her head as she approached, looking guilty. “Sorry. I saw you two heading off and wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“We’re fine,” Ren said, at the same time as Harmony said “I’m - we’re okay.” They looked at each other for a moment, and then Ren sighed, turning back to Dollie.
“You should go back,” she said, the tension finally releasing from her shoulders. “We’re fine out here. Just talking.”
“Oh,” Dollie said. She shuffled her paws nervously, not meeting either Harmony or Ren’s eyes. “Um. Well. I got lost. I don’t know the way back.”
Ren lifted an arm and pointed back the way she and Harmony had come. “That way.”
Dollie stared at her. “…Um. Actually, I… wanted to walk with you.” She looked over at Harmony, tilting her head slightly. “If that’s okay.”
Harmony rubbed her hands together. “Uh, okay.” She looked to Ren for confirmation; the fox’s eyes flicked between Dollie and Harmony a couple of times, before she sighed, stepping back and gesturing for Dollie to join them.
Ren set off again, Harmony and Dollie following close behind. Neither of them said anything; it felt a bit weird to continue the conversation with someone new listening in, even though it was more than likely that Dollie had overheard at least some of it before making her presence known.
Harmony shook her head.
“I don’t really have any say in it,” Dollie said after a while, startling Harmony a bit. “I’m not part of your whole thing. But… in my experience, it’s okay to not want to do things.”
“But I still have to do it,” Harmony finished for her. “I know.”
Dollie looked over at her, pricking her ears up. “Not exactly.”
This got Harmony’s attention. “Why?”
“Well,” Dollie said, “I know you’ve said that you didn’t really get a choice in all of this, which it seems is true. You’ve been told to save the world, but you don’t know how, and you don’t have any way out. You don’t have a choice in the matter.” She paused for a split second before continuing. “But I think you do.”
“How so.” It wasn’t that she didn’t believe Dollie, really, she just…
Dollie smiled softly. “You have a choice in how you’re going to do this. You can do it because you have to, go along with it because you don’t have any other choice… or you can do it because you want to.”
Ahead, Ren stopped walking for a moment, lifting her head up and looking around, but then she continued forward, beckoning Harmony and Dollie to follow her.
Do it because you want to.
Why would I want to?
She couldn’t think of very many reasons she would do any of this, willingly put herself in danger, in near-death situations, just so she could maybe possibly stand a chance at saving the world.
She didn’t even live in this world. And sure, maybe it would turn out that they’d need to save the human world - their world - too, in which case then she supposed she would live in the world that needed to be saved - but right now, they were in the Digital World. A world she’d been pulled into by chance.
Or maybe not chance.
But it didn’t matter. She’d seen enough of this world to know that it was dangerous and every moment she spent here she was actively putting herself at harm’s (and maybe death’s) risk.
…But had that ever stopped her from doing things before?
“…I mean,” she mumbled, “I want to do something good. I want to help people. But…”
But, but, but. So many things were holding her back - fear, worry, frustration, uncertainty. Everything she’d said earlier, when she hadn’t held herself back, when she’d just said everything on her mind and hadn’t cared what anyone else would think, still held true. It was all still so much. She was still scared.
They were all still just kids.
“It’s a lot,” Ren said then, looking back over her shoulder at Harmony. “But you’ve made it this far, haven’t you?”
Harmony didn’t answer. She couldn’t. She didn’t want them to think they weren’t getting through to her. They were. She was just…
Just…
“Whether or not you want to do it, you’re going to have to,” Ren continued, absolutely shattering the moment. Harmony scowled at her, but she took no notice of it, continuing on without a care in the world. “You can either drag your feet the whole way, or you can find the good in it and focus on that. One of them makes it easier.”
“Way to get my mood up,” Harmony said sharply. “I know, I know, I know. You both keep repeating yourselves over and over again. I know. I have to want to do it or else I’m going to hate it. Whatever.”
“Don’t get mad at me,” Ren retorted, crossing her arms, while Dollie shrunk back from Harmony slightly. “I’m trying to help you.”
“Well you’re not being helpful,” Harmony said. “This isn’t a snap of the fingers thing. I’m not going to change my mind overnight.”
Everything had been going so great, and then Ren just had to -
“Hold on,” Ren said suddenly, holding an arm out. Harmony frowned, brushing it away, but Ren stood still, unmoving even despite Harmony’s best efforts to push past her.
“What,” Harmony said, unable to hide the irritation in her voice, but Ren didn’t acknowledge it. Her eyes narrowed as they swept around the clearing, tail lashing in tandem, but she did not speak again.
On Harmony’s other side, Dollie pinned her ears back, inching closer and looking about frantically. Harmony breathed out, reaching a hand over to rest on her back in what she hoped was reassurance. She didn’t get a response, either physical or spoken. It was like she wasn’t even there.
She was starting to get a really bad feeling about all this.
“Ren,” she said, keeping her voice low, “what’s going on.”
“I thought I heard something,” her partner mumbled, brows furrowed, and she opened her mouth as if to speak again.
She didn’t get the chance, though, because as soon as she so much as took a breath in, another voice sounded from behind them.
“
Something - several somethings - shot out from behind, whizzing above their heads and embedding themselves into the trunks of the trees in front of them.
Not all of them missed, though.
Dollie cried out, stumbling forward, and immediately Ren was at her side helping her back up. She glanced around furiously, then locked eyes with Harmony, beckoning her to come help Dollie.
Harmony obliged, rushing forward to kneel next to Dollie. She was lying on her side, teeth gritted but looking mostly undamaged. She blinked up at Harmony, fear in her eyes.
Ren stood back up, turning around to face where the voice and attack had come from. She didn’t say anything, just glared in the general direction, and then - quick as a flash - lit her paws up with blue flames, dashing forward.
“
A laugh sounded from within the trees, and Ren was sent flying backwards, crashing into a tree. Harmony yelped, getting up and running over to her as Dollie struggled to get to her feet.
“Go back,” Ren grunted as she pushed herself upright. Harmony shook her head.
“Are you okay?” she asked, grabbing one of Ren’s paws and helping her up.
Ren gave her a look, bracing herself with one arm against the tree. “What was that about throwing rocks earlier?”
“
“Shit,” Ren said, grabbing Harmony’s hand and running. Harmony heard more of the projectiles hit the tree behind them, and she managed to resist looking back over her shoulder to see how close they were to death.
They reached Dollie, standing as well as she could, and with barely more than a nod, the three of them took off running. Harmony didn’t know what direction. Hopefully back to camp, but there was no way to tell, not with how dark it was and how turned around they’d gotten and how fast they were going.
“Who’s attacking us?” Harmony asked, knowing it was useless.
Ren shook her head. “I don’t know. I don’t recognize those attacks.”
“Me neither,” Dollie panted.
“Oh, you don’t?”
The three skidded to a halt, hearing the voice coming from directly in front of them, and Ren once again moved into a defensive position. Harmony stepped back, closer to Dollie, away from the voice.
She almost couldn’t even tell the figure had stepped out from the shadows until it was right in front of them, leaning down so it was eye-level with the three. Even then, in the darkness, Harmony could barely make out its appearance.
“It’s nice to meet you finally,” it said.
Ren lifted one paw up and set it ablaze, casting the figure into light. It tilted its head when it saw this, but made no other move.
What was most immediately obvious were its pure white eyes.
It was tall - obvious enough from how it had to lean down to look Harmony in the eyes - and seemingly humanoid, though the same could not be said for its face, pale gray in color, with a black mask covering its mouth and nose. A piece of deep blue fabric was wrapped around its head over its blonde hair, from which a singular third eye peeked out, just as white as its main eyes (or eye, seeing as its right eye was covered by hair). It wore a white full-body suit, the right sleeve long and flowy enough to completely obscure the arm within (if there even was one), and a sort of metal brace ran down its left arm. Wrapped around its neck was a white cowl, draped down over the white cloak it wore - the inside of which seemed to be made of slips of paper, each with distinct unique writing.
Harmony barely had time to take in any of this. The Digimon did not speak again before it straightened up and threw both its arms out, its cape fluttering dramatically with the motion.
It winked down at Harmony.
“
“Move!”
Harmony was shoved to the ground by Ren practically barreling into her, keeping her still-lit paw away from her. The attack - which Harmony could now see was comprised of dozens of the paper charms fired as projectiles - went just barely over her head; one nicked her in the ear and she hissed, pressing a hand to it as it, strangely, began to burn.
She pushed herself up on her arms and looked around just in time to see Dollie fall to the ground, too many of the charms hitting her. Harmony crawled forward a few inches, reaching out towards her, but Ren, laying down next to her, grabbed her arm to keep her in place. Harmony wrestled her away, trying to inch forward again, but stopped when she saw the Digimon approach.
He stepped toward Dollie, kneeling down next to her and lifting her chin with his hand. Her ears flattened against her skull, a few teeth bared, and the Digimon - well, his mouth was still covered, but Harmony could tell he smiled, even though it didn’t (couldn’t) reach his eyes.
“It’s good to see you again,” he said, and Harmony frowned. Dollie struggled in his grasp, trying to crawl backward, but he tightened his fingers. “Oh, don’t be like that. You know me.”
“No I don’t,” Dollie whispered.
The Digimon’s eyes narrowed and he leaned closer to Dollie, his face practically touching hers. “Don’t play dumb. Your little pack and I knew each other very well. It’s all thanks to me that Matadormon found you in the first place. Really, you have me to thank for all that.”
Dollie didn’t say anything, just glared up at him. He stared her down for a few more moments, then rolled his eyes. “Tch,” he said, practically throwing her away as he stood up straight again. “Whatever.”
He turned his attention to Harmony and Ren then, a glint coming over his eye. “I know you, too.”
“
Ren lunged for the Digimon, fists ablaze, and she struck him in the chest. He stumbled back a step, then righted himself, sweeping her aside with his sleeved arm. She rolled in the dirt a few feet, then bounced back up, her fists already starting to glow with flames once more.
Harmony got to her feet as well, taking a few steps back from the Digimon, but thankfully he was focused solely on Ren right now. She shoved her hand into her pocket and pulled her digivice out, launching it and flipping to the analyzer option, then pointed it at the Digimon.
“Baalmon. Ultimate level demon man Digimon. Its mantle is covered in amulets from all times and places, on which are written solutions for every problem, and with this wealth of information it is able to completely defend against any attack.”
Baalmon looked over to Harmony, alerted by the voice of the digivice, but he did not move toward her. He looked back at Ren and, just as she prepared to leap, pulled a red sword out of seemingly nowhere with his left hand.
He pointed it down at Ren right as she jumped for him.
“
“
Ren’s flames were outshone by the bright flash that appeared when Baalmon slashed out with his sword, cutting it through the air toward her. It struck true, hitting her in the stomach and sending her tumbling backward as her flames, having hit no target, flickered away.
Harmony’s breath caught in her chest, and Baalmon’s gaze flickered over to her.
“
A beam of black energy hit Baalmon square in the face, and he cried out, reaching his sleeve up to wipe at his face. He growled, throwing his arm down and turning to face his attacker.
Dollie stood - but only barely - a few feet in front of Ren, hunched over and breathing heavily, staring Baalmon down. She lifted her head slightly when they made eye contact.
Baalmon seemed to smile again.
“
Her arms went up in flames again. “
She leapt straight for Baalmon, and he made no move to dodge, letting her hit him directly. The blue fire swelled up for a moment as she made contact with his chest, and he laughed, grabbing her out of the air as the flames died down.
Baalmon lifted Ren above his head, tightening his grip as she scrabbled against his hand. She growled, pushing against his fingers, but he did not budge.
Harmony stepped forward.
Baalmon didn’t look over at her, but when he spoke, she knew he was addressing her. “I think it’s cute that you’re not doing anything to help her.”
“She can’t,” Ren managed to get out through her gritted teeth. Baalmon raised an eyebrow, then squeezed her tighter, making her choke out a cough.
“Maybe not.” His eyes flitted to Harmony. “But she’s not even trying.”
Harmony glared at him, feeling heat rise in her chest. Ren locked eyes with her, still struggling against Baalmon’s grip.
There was something like desperation in her gaze.
“Drop her,” Harmony said, knowing it would have no use.
Baalmon tilted his head and did not oblige. “And let your best fighter go free? Can’t. Sorry. Surely you understand.”
Harmony chanced a look back at Dollie for a split second - still collapsed on the ground, at least breathing steadily, but not moving - which turned out to be a big mistake.
Before she even turned back around, Baalmon was already calling out an attack. “
The paper amulets shot towards Harmony and she immediately dropped to the ground, letting most of them fly over her head - but a few of them she wasn’t so lucky with. They struck her back and she whimpered as they began to burn again, crawling up onto her knees and rubbing a hand down her back to try to soothe the pain.
“Fucking leave her alone!” she heard Ren shout, and looked up to see her paws begin to glow again, muddled slightly by the obstruction of Baalmon’s hand. “
“I’m just doing my job,” Baalmon said, looking from Ren to Harmony. “He told me to kill the humans, so I’m starting with the weakest link.”
Blood pounded in Harmony’s ears as she got back up on her feet again. She stared Baalmon straight in the eye, trying to hide the shake of her legs and arms.
Baalmon winked. “He’s got some plans that your group keeps interrupting. I’m supposed to take care of you all. It’s nothing personal, really. Believe me.” He looked back to Ren, shaking her around a little. “Though this one is turning out to be much more difficult than I expected. I’m going to need to deal with her first.”
Harmony clenched her jaw, balling her hands into fists. “Well - this archangel you’re serving, whoever he is, he’s -”
Baalmon snapped to attention, fixing his eyes on Harmony and finally dropping Ren. She landed on the ground with a whimper, limbs splayed out, and though an ear twitched she did not otherwise move. Harmony bit her lip but met Baalmon’s gaze steadily.
…And Baalmon was looking very much unlike himself. His eyes hadn’t changed, per se, but there was something in them that just felt weird. Different.
His head lolled to the side and he took a step toward Harmony, who in turn stepped away. He didn’t seem to notice, or if he did, he didn’t care; he just narrowed his eyes down at her.
When he spoke again, it was not with his voice.
“Don’t,” he breathed, haggard and labored, as if struggling to form words, “call me that.”
It almost sounded like his voice was being filtered by… something? Like a low quality phone recording. …Like something else was speaking through his mouth.
Harmony blinked, frozen where she stood, whether out of fear or curiosity she couldn’t tell. “…What?”
Baalmon suddenly shook himself out, parts of his body glitching slightly for a moment before returning to normal. When he opened his eyes again, they were still white, but… more familiar, now. Like how they were before his voice had…
“What did you do,” he said, and Harmony relaxed considerably upon hearing his own voice again, for some fucking reason. His eyes pierced straight through her. “What was that.”
“What?” Harmony said again, and Baalmon took another step forward. She looked behind Baalmon to Ren, who was still lying crumpled on the ground.
“What did you do,” Baalmon repeated, his voice rising in volume. “What did you do to me?”
“I didn’t do anything!” Harmony shouted, and Baalmon’s face contorted further in rage. “I swear! I don’t know what that was!”
Baalmon raised an arm and Harmony backpedaled further, slamming against a tree trunk a few feet behind her. She hissed, rubbing the impact point on her back gently before looking at Baalmon, preparing herself for the brunt of an attack, but…
Baalmon placed his hand on his face and dragged it down forcefully, pulling his mask down off his mouth. He fell to his knees, letting out a keening cry as his hand fell off his face, holding it out in front of him and staring down at it.
Harmony stayed where she was, not willing to risk the possibility of it being a feint. Baalmon’s face twisted and he squeezed his eyes shut.
They snapped open again, red irises boring into Harmony’s skull.
He opened his mouth, still staring at her, still pleading with her, begging for something.
Help me.
No words escaped his lips, just empty air and endless anguish.
Harmony let go of a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding, and Baalmon blinked, and his eyes were white again.
He stood up slowly, pulling his mask back up over his mouth.
“Well,” he said, his voice still his own. “It doesn’t matter.” He looked back at Ren, then turned around toward her. “I’m just… doing my job.”
His words were less convincing this time.
He stepped toward Ren - still motionless on the ground, still unaware, still - and drew his sword.
Harmony lunged forward.
“
“
Baalmon was knocked off track by another attack from Dollie, having made it onto her feet at last. Harmony landed on the ground a few feet behind him, having missed him by a mile - if Dollie hadn’t attacked, she wouldn’t have -
The strike from his sword sent chunks of earth flying everywhere when he missed his target, and he growled in frustration, spinning on his heel to face Dollie. She cowered away from him, ears flattened and eyes wide.
She was backed up against a tree.
“You’re in my way,” he snarled, and lifted his sword again.
“Stop!” Harmony screamed. “Dollie, MOVE!”
Baalmon did not listen to her.
Neither did Dollie.
“
The woods lit up in bright white for a flash of a second, almost blinding, but Harmony pushed through it anyway, rushing forward toward Dollie - maybe if she got there in time, she could -
The light cleared and Harmony fell forward. She blinked, eyes adjusting to the darkness again.
Beneath her was Dollie, her paws and ears and the end of her tail already fading into pixels. Her eyes locked with Harmony’s, the only thing in them pure raw fear.
“No,” Dollie mumbled, trying to get to her feet but failing, taking Harmony down with her again.
Harmony got to her knees, hands fumbling, unsure of what to do with them. “You’re okay,” she whispered. Lying.
“No, no, I can’t -” Dollie shook her head, scattering more pixels. “I can’t end up like this. I can’t.”
She looked up at Harmony again. “Please,” she said, and Harmony choked on a sob. “Please, please, help me, help me -”
With another flash of light, this one fainter than the one that had caused it, Dollie disappeared.
Harmony fell to her knees and screamed.
“Evolution engaged. Please do not -”
“
She saw the blue light behind her, heard her digivice activate, felt the heat when Ren rushed toward Baalmon covered in flames. She couldn’t bear to turn around. She just stared down at the ground where she’d last seen Dollie.
Her fingers curled against the dirt.
“
Baalmon’s voice was distant, faraway. Harmony barely even felt it when a few stray charms hit her neck and shoulders. She inhaled sharply, trying to still her breaths and bring her heart rate back down.
She wasn’t doing a good job at it.
“
More amulets hit her. She still didn’t feel them. She blinked, seeing Dollie’s desperate eyes, ingrained in her mind, when she closed her own.
“
“
She saw a few stray fireballs land in the dirt off to the side, setting the stray leaves ablaze for a second before dying out. Ren cried out behind her as the clearing lit up again.
Harmony wiped her sleeve across her face.
“
More amulets. More barely-felt burning pricks on her back.
“
Another flash of light.
“
Another.
“
More.
“
“
White.
No sound.
Harmony blinked, using all of her willpower and energy to turn around, still on her hands and knees.
Baalmon reached down, picked Ren up, and threw her to the side. She hit a tree and fell in a heap of still-burning blue flames, the fire dying as she slumped to the ground.
Baalmon turned to look at Harmony.
“You’re both pathetic,” he said, his words barely even registering in Harmony’s head. He stepped toward her. She did not move.
He faltered when he noticed this, but continued onward, leaning down when he reached her and picking her up. He held her gently; gentler than Harmony would have expected him to, if she’d been expecting anything at all.
He regarded her silently, still limp in his grip. She didn’t think she could move even if she wanted to.
“You know,” he said quietly, “I sort of expected more from you. Both of you.” He looked over his shoulder at Ren, gaze darkening. “Neither of you can protect each other. How do you ever expect to save the world if you just let each other die.” He tilted his head slightly. “Oh well. It doesn’t really matter to me. I’m just here to kill you.”
He looked back to Harmony. “I hope you’ve made your peace.”
Oddly enough, it was this that finally snapped Harmony back to reality.
“Are you at peace?”
Or, maybe not oddly.
That was the text message she’d received just a few days before she had been pulled into the Digital World. It had stuck with her all this time. Of course it had.
At peace with what? Her life? In the moment, she’d said yes - literally, she'd said yes; she’d fired off a response as if it was a close friend of hers who’d asked. It wasn’t true, of course, but what else was she meant to say? Leaving it unanswered felt wrong.
But was it true right now, as Baalmon held her up and stared deep into her soul as if he could read her very thoughts?
Well, she’d already made her peace with this world, hadn’t she? Just today, in fact.
She would be fine with staying here. With giving up. She’d said that.
Even if I were to die -?
…No. She wasn’t going to die here. She had her whole life ahead of her.
Her friends were counting on her. Ren was counting on her. The world - both worlds - were counting on her. She couldn’t give up now.
So was she at peace?
…Whatever happens, I’ll have my friends with me. Whatever happens, we’ll fight to see another day. Fight to make both worlds the best they can be.
Yeah. She kinda was.
“You’re not going to kill me,” she said to Baalmon, and her digivice beeped, vibrated, and began another speech.
“Ultimate evolution engaged. Please do not turn off the digivice while evolution is in progress.”
Baalmon dropped her like she’d been lit on fire, and she landed on the ground with a thud. She groaned, pulling herself into a sitting position, and looked over at Ren just in time to see her start to glow bright white.
The light grew and expanded, and then it burst apart, revealing Ren, standing, in her new form.
“
She stood on two legs, and her face was flat, but still fox-like; atop her head was a tall black hat, blue veils trailing down on either side. She wore a white robe, a yin-yang symbol on the chest and another marking on the cloth that draped down over her blue pants. On either shoulder were vertical plates, each emblazoned with a yin-yang symbol and squiggly blue lines. A long fluffy tail peeked out from her pants, swishing back and forth as she raised her arms up, the robe sleeves long enough to obscure her paws entirely.
She narrowed her eyes at Baalmon and reached an arm out, summoning a giant paintbrush from the air.
“Taomon,” Harmony’s digivice continued. “Ultimate level demon man Digimon. It is an onmyōji Digimon that freely uses every technique in battle, and its faculty with magic is particularly high, so attacks with talismans and spells are its forte.”
“About time,” Baalmon said, then brandished his own sword. He nodded. “Shall we?”
He didn’t wait for an answer before rushing forward, slashing his sword out at Ren. “
“
Baalmon straightened himself up, sheathing his sword. He lifted his arms up, and his cape flared out. “
The amulets shot toward Ren, and she quickly painted another symbol, sending it towards them. The two attacks made contact and exploded.
Ren caught Harmony’s eye and nodded.
“
Ren flicked her wrist, and they exploded in blue flame. Baalmon collapsed to the ground, groaning and bracing himself with his sword as he pushed himself back up.
“
She stepped backward, gripping her paintbrush. “
This one hit Baalmon, unimpeded by any other attacks, and knocked him backward. He fell down, kneeling in the dirt and glaring up at her.
He stood back up, holding his sword tightly, and Ren lifted her paintbrush again.
“
But he wasn’t aiming for Ren.
Harmony couldn’t move in time before Baalmon lunged at her.
She cried out as the attack hit, a clean slice down her leg, and fell to the ground. Blood flowed down her leg, staining the dirt and her hands as she reached forward to try to put pressure on it. She hissed at the sensation, but pushed through it.
Immediately Ren rushed forward, summoning her talismans again to restrain Baalmon. “
It worked. Baalmon was shoved backward, away from Harmony, and Ren crouched down next to her, looking her over.
Harmony couldn’t feel her leg. She couldn’t really feel anything, honestly. Ren gazed deep into her eyes, worry evident on her own face.
She’d be fine. Just another leg injury, right?
…Was she even going to be able to walk after this?
Harmony looked over at Baalmon, who pushed himself up. He wiped his arm across where his mouth would be, then tightened his hold on his sword.
Ren stood back up, facing Baalmon, standing between him and Harmony.
“Well,” he said, taking a step back. “This has been fun. I’ve had a lot of fun, really.” He looked off to the side, and Harmony followed his gaze. He was looking at a tree. The tree.
The tree Dollie had…
“I’ll see you again, I’m sure,” he said, winking at Harmony. “Thanks for entertaining me.”
He took another step backward, then turned and ran, cape trailing behind him, amulets fluttering everywhere.
“Fuck,” Ren spat, tossing her paintbrush aside. It disappeared into midair, but Harmony didn’t have time to comment on it before Ren ran forward as well, following Baalmon into the trees.
“Ren!” Harmony shouted, getting to her feet as quickly as she could, ignoring the searing pain up and down her leg. “Ren, stop! Come back!”
Ren didn’t listen. She kept going, pursuing Baalmon, running after him, like she couldn’t hear anyone else. Like there was nobody else in the world.
Like Harmony wasn’t even there.
Harmony felt tears well in the corner of her eyes.
“REN!”
Ren halted instantly, body still tense and tail still lashing, but at least she stopped. Slowly Harmony crept toward her, limping, until Ren - in a flash of blue light - devolved. She stumbled forward, but righted herself, staring at the ground.
Harmony came up next to her, hissing as she stepped on her leg wrong. Ren looked over at her.
Anger.
“You could’ve died,” she said.
Why is she angry at me.
“I know,” Harmony said.
Ren bared her teeth. “You could have DIED!” She reached for Harmony, grabbing her shoulders, causing her to wince, but Ren didn’t even notice. “He tried to kill you! He was going to kill you! He was going to kill me! He killed -”
“I KNOW!” Harmony shouted, unable to stop the tears. She sobbed, holding her hands to her chest. Trembling. Shaking. “I know he almost killed me I know he almost killed you I KNOW HE KILLED DOLLIE! I saw it happen!” She coughed, wiping her eyes.
“And you made me stop,” Ren said, uncaring. Eyes cold. Voice empty. “I could have followed him, I could have caught him and killed him -”
“Why?” Harmony whispered.
Ren recoiled. “Why? Do you need me to repeat myself? He killed Dollie -”
“There’s no use chasing after him because of that!” Harmony cried. “That’s not going to bring her back!”
And then it hit her. It finally set in.
Dollie was gone.
All because she tried to save Ren.
“I’m not trying to bring her back,” Ren said, and Harmony could tell she’d had the same realization. Something in her voice. It didn’t drown out the anger. “I’m making sure her killer doesn’t go unpunished.”
“What, by getting revenge on him?” Harmony said. Her mouth was dry. “That’s not going to do anything.”
“I don’t care,” Ren snapped. “You almost died. Dollie did die. Does that not matter? This isn’t revenge, it’s justice.”
Harmony swallowed the lump in her throat. “There’s no difference.”
“Yes, there is,” Ren said sharply, turning away. “There's a big difference, and I have gone my whole life making sure I know what the difference is so that I don’t go down the wrong path.”
She wasn’t listening. She wasn’t understanding her.
She was too focused on her own desire, too consumed by it, to even realize that there was still someone there. Still someone left.
“Is that all you care about?” Harmony asked.
Ren was silent for a moment, looking down at her paws, and then she closed her eyes. “I need to do something good. Something right. And I could have done it tonight.”
“Ren, I can’t walk!” Harmony yelled, shoving her away. “You were going to leave me there on my own with nobody around! You were going to abandon me -”
A paw closed around Harmony’s arm. Harmony looked up into Ren’s face, ears pinned back, mouth curled in a snarl, eyes full of fury.
“Don’t you ever say I abandoned you,” she spat. “I am not going to leave you. I am not going to lose you. You’re no use if you’re dead.”
Something stung Harmony’s heart. Something about Ren ascribing a use to her. “The same goes for you too.”
“It’s not the same!” Ren barked, pinning her ears back. Harmony shrank away, still glaring. Ren ignored her. “Digimon get reformatted! We come back when we die! You? If you die, there’s no coming back! You die for good!”
Harmony curled her fingers against her palm, holding it close to her chest, but she did not speak. Ren turned away, arms crossed, tail lashing, eyes anywhere but on her partner.
“Don’t you see?” she said, quieter this time. She ran her claws along her cheek gently, letting her gaze drop to the ground. “That’s why I don’t care what happens to me. That’s why I fight the way I do. There’s no use in trying to save me. But you?”
She turned around, facing Harmony again, and in the corners of her eyes were shiny tears. “If you die, I lose you forever.”
“You won’t come back the same,” Harmony said. “I know how it works. You get reborn, but it’s not you anymore. You’re a completely different person.”
“It’s better than disappearing forever.”
Harmony clenched her jaw.
“I have lost too many people in my life,” Ren said. “Too many who have died, or left, or decided I wasn’t worth their time anymore. I will not lose you too.”
Harmony looked at her for a moment more, meeting her eyes. The anger was gone; now, there was just… sadness. Grief. Hurt.
Fear.
Harmony shook her head out, rubbing her arm gently. “Whatever,” she mumbled. “We should head back. Try to get some sleep.”
When they returned to camp, neither of them could bring themselves to explain what had happened. The silence was enough. The looks on their faces were enough.
The emptiness between them, where a friend of theirs had once walked, was enough.
In the end, neither of them got any sleep that night.